Dear Mr. Moss,
A story that was never really a story but was made out to possibly be a story: such is the free agency of record-holding wide receiver Randy Moss. We know you had never previously been put up for auction on the free agent market (you were on the shelf for about as long as a Wii on December 23rd), and we know you declared free agency and tested the waters in various needy cities, you tease.
"You ready to blow it?"
Last season, number 81 caught 98 balls for almost 1,500 yards and a gaudy 23 trips to the house on the greatest offensive team that this side of the Milky Way has ever seen. And with that red “L” on the bottom of the Pats’ 07 schedule sticking out like a sore assault and battery charge in Week 19 – I mean, thumb – there was little doubt he would be back square dancing in Foxborough come September. Moss made it official on Monday by agreeing to a 3-year/$27M extension.
And why not? The man is a well-oiled catching machine when he’s not blazed out of his bearded skull. Fans just better pray that now that he’s scored a payday that includes an $8 million-per-year raise, he doesn’t take the effort level back down to about 60-65%. Should he hit pay-dirt (and do that unexplainable curtain-parting celebration) less than ten times this upcoming season, then last year would still be history-making, but nothing really big. Just like the
A hundred mil should cover this, right?
Now travel 600 miles to the southeast and drop by the Steel City of Pittsburgh, the home of the best team that in reality isn’t all that spectacular. What do you do when you go a division-best 10-6, but lose to the same non-divisional opponent twice on your home field (I use the term “field” loosely when referring to Ketchup Stadium)? Of course! You write a 9-figure check to a guy who made love to asphalt harder than Diddy in the video for “I’ll Be Missing You” (YouTube it before you say “huh?”).
The new owner of an 8 year/$102M-contract has taken the Steelies to the playoffs three times in four years, and also won that Super Bowl two years ago that everyone has already forgotten about. Who cares if they won despite his performance, not because of it?
Big Ben becomes the seventh player (all quarterbacks) since 2001 to ink such a large, long-term deal. What has become of the other six in the last seven years, you say? Well, one just got turned away by the Raiders (ouch), one is having his leadership capabilities questioned, one is a back-up to a guy who slams beer bongs in Cabo a week before the playoffs, and one just finished his first losing season. Oh, and one’s in federal prison. And the other is Brett Favre, who has contemplated hanging it up every off-season since saying “giddy-up” to a TEN-year deal in 2001.
Favre, Daunte Culpepper, Donovan McNabb, Drew Bledsoe, Carson Palmer, and Michael Vick collectively have a 7-6 playoff record since signing their respective record deals. This includes only one trip to the Super Bowl, which was a whooping of the nauseous-McNabb-led Eagles at the hands of the Patriots in SB XXXIX.
Despite being an almost unfair comparison, by himself, Terrific Tom is 14-3 in January and February, and sports three custom-made, rainbow-colored rings.
