DOWNTOWN STILL-A-BROWN

Anderson Returns; Quinn's balls still blue.

It wasn't long after packing his bags, saying his goodbyes, and walking halfway to a waiting cab prepared to take him to Free Agent International, that Pro-Bowl quarterback Derek Anderson realized that life without the luxury of tossing jump-ball touchdowns to Braylon Edwards might suck.

Yikes. There's a reason Derek Anderson didn't get

much face-time outside of Cleveland.

The Browns had barely taken his name off the company directory when he agreed to a 3-year/$20M contract to remain in Cleveland. He then scampered upstairs to unpack his duffel, only to find Brady Quinn already in his office with his feet up on the desk, sipping Myoplex from his “Play like a champion today” mug, and admiring his own bargain-bin Fathead.

In 2007, Quinn threw the same amount of

touchdown passes as Stephen Hawking.

However, Quinn shouldn't be too depressed heading back to the bench. Rumor has it the defense is holding open tryouts all summer. There’s also Miami, Baltimore, and Atlanta jobs opening, if you enjoy being let go in 2 years.

Derek emerged from national obscurity in ’07 and threw for 29 TD's, sixteen of them caught by Edwards – the best wide receiver in the Buckeye State (sorry, Housh and Ocho) and my 2007 fantasy stud in that position. And I still went 1-13.

That's right. 1 win and 13 losses.

Oh, and a tie.

American League 2008

Divisional Predictions for the American League, or according to ESPN, the Red Sox, Yankees and some other teams.

AL East - Red Sox. It's inevitable: that new thing once cute and refreshing eventually becomes increasingly uncute and outright annoying and/or creepy with time. Haley Joel Osment, Family Guy, Rachael Ray and now The Boston Red Sox. No longer the lovable underdog just happy to be in contention as Fall rolls along, the AL pennant is the BoSoxs' to lose once again. Ho hum. But until September arrives, Boston will need to endure another summer of Manny being Manny, Schilling running his mouth from the IR, and all the annual baggage this team seems to face.

"The heaviest team in baseball"

AL Central - Tigers. Once again, the team from Detroit will be overshadowed by the team from Boston as media darlings. The Tigers still have Maggs along with his geri-curl mullet, Gary Sheffield, and newcomer Miguel Cabrera to produce plenty of runs at Comerica. The rotation should put up some impressive numbers with D-Train's arrival alongside Justin Verlander and The Gambler. But, they'll have to overcome a monumental mid-season setback when Pudge Rodriguez and 109 year-old manager Jim Leyland are caught injecting HGH into each other's derrières.

Detroit's new model: the D-Bird

AL West - Angels. Big Bad Vlad gets some help in the outfield with multiple Gold Glover Torri Hunter finally getting to play outside in Los Angeles of Anaheim of California. Probably not as productive as they once were several years ago, this duo will still be a formidable 1-2 punch, especially against the competition being thrown at them out West and win the division by default. The Angels may quietly have a rotation amongst the best in the AL if John Lackey can produce numbers that mirror last year's stellar performance.

AL Wildcard - Indians. There will be no Series victory to celebrate in Yankee Stadium's final year, as the Yankees set their sights on media domination instead. Derek Jeter will shift his focus on the insurmountable task of out-commerical whoring Peyton Manning, and A-Rod will yet again manufacture tabloid headlines to prove that he is, in fact, not gay.
Cy-Young winner C.C. Sabathia and Grady Sizemore should lead the Indians to the Wild Card as they once again flirt with strong postseason hopes. However, those Series dreams will be dashed with another playoff failure, breaking Drew Carey's heart once again; LeBron James will be apathetic.