THE PRODIGAL SUNS

After digging own grave, Phoenix closes own casket and delivers eulogy

The fourth quarter of Game 5 of the Spurs/Suns playoff set was a virtual microcosm of the entire series, nay, the entire Suns season. After retooling, re-strategizing, re-thinking their own run-and-gun basketball methods, and giving themselves every opportunity to be in a position to come out on top, the suddenly aging Suns end another thriving season as losers, a predicament that has grown into a tiresome annual tradition.

"High Five!"

This was the series that Steve Kerr was brought in for. This was the series that the “Most Dominant Ever” was wooed in for, cape and all. This was the series that was on the minds of everyone involved in the organization since last July. After being ousted at the hands of perfectly-programmed robots known as the Spurs in three of the last five seasons, this was the year that everyone in Arizona felt was finally the year that the Suns leaped over old cumbersome hurdles on their way to Finals glory. It will have to wait another painful year.

You can dispose of those Game 6 tickets, Suns fans. It’s time to sell them to a blind kid and sport your D-Backs jersey full-time.

Is Mike D’Antoni to blame? Possibly. Can the finger be pointed at Steve Kerr? It can and probably will. But neither of those two turned the ball over seven times in the final quarter, including a couple scarce Nash dishing gaffes and an air-mail package sent via Boris Diaw that flew across the floor and into the hands of Ian Mahinmi keeping his seat on the Spurs bench nice and toasty, quite possibly his first touch of the season. Neither of those two missed 17 foul shots in an elimination game (well, one could argue that Kerr missed those free throws vicariously throw O’Neal).

The Spurs, on the other hand, will strap on their golden chaps, saddle up, and head forward into very well-known territory: deeper and deeper into the West Playoffs. In fact, if history holds true, their closeout victory over the Suns bodes particularly well: each time they have beaten their rivals from the desert in the post-season since 2003, they have gone on to win an NBA Finals that absolutely no one watched or cared about.

It all seemed so familiar: squeaky-clean David the Admiral sitting courtside, flashing lights in the shape of a buckaroo and bronco lighting up the rafters at the AT&T Center, and Timmay Duncan putting the series away with a pair of last-second free throws amongst a bombardment of ridiculous “M.V.P.” chants. In the West Semis, San Antonio draws an increasingly confident New Orleans Hornets team who exiled the Mavs and look to take down another Southwestern Division foe.

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CELTIC SLIDE

Celtics get A-Town Stomped; Series tied 2-2

Back to Beantown

If there was one thing we learned from last year’s playoffs, its that there’s no such thing as a sure thing. Just ask Dirk Nowitzki. His Dallas Mavericks, with their incredible, league-best 67-15 record, top billing in the Western Conference and 6th best record of all time, met the lowly Golden State Warriors, an upstart team who hadn’t made the playoffs in over a decade. It was supposed to be an easy victory, a lock to advance for a team with championship aspirations, and nothing less. Of course, we know what happened after that.

This season, the Boston Celtics have been championship contenders all season, even back to early summer when the Big Three 2.0 left New Englanders itching for their first championship in 22 years. They were matched up with the Atlanta Hawks, a lowly 8th seed with the worst record of any playoff team, and first time playoff-participants in nearly a decade. Sound familiar? After easily winning the first two games in the Garden, and making the Hawks look like merely a JV squad unable to hang with the big boys, the series shifted to Hotlanta. And then things got interesting. Believe it or not, the young Hawks emerged to tie the series tonight and delivered a solid blow to Goliath’s green mug with a 97-92 victory. This may be history in the making… again.


Joe Johnson poured in 35 points, an amazing 20 coming in the final frame, while Josh Smith nearly matched his teammate with 28 as well. Johnson and the Hawks showed the veteran poise usually expected from the Celtics and seemed to want it more, outscoring Boston 32-17 in the fourth. Things got heated in the second when Zaza Pachulia got in the face of Kevin Garnett after his errant loose elbow connected with with Pachulia. It was a testament that this series is far from over, and that Boston has it coming if they think the Hawks are going to keel over so easily.

The overconfident Celtics, who all season long have looked as poised and mature as any team not named the San Antonio Spurs, have all of a sudden looked frustrated and capable of being knocked down. The Celtics thought they were capable of beating the Hawks at their own style, a mistake that just tied this series. While the Celtics will more than likely come back and take this series, starting back in Boston on Wednesday, they look vulnerable, capable of being had. But there’s a chink in their armor, the Big Three don’t look as big, and a four game sweep as all of a sudden turned into a best of 3.

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AL BE GETTING OWNED

Hawks center thinks this is the SEC

Billy Donovan obviously does not talk to his players about what to expect and how to handle themselves amongst the NBA ranks. After Joakim Noah was suspended earlier after his team essentially voted him off at Bulls' tribal council, and Corey Brewer got owned by the rim on a fast break, Al Horford is the latest ex-Gator to make a "splash" in the pro game after taunting ten-year veteran Paul Pierce after nailing a mundane jumpshot in Atlanta's Game 3 win over the Celtics. Pierce did not take the act lightly, walking nearly all the way to the Hawks' bench during the ensuing timeout.

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HIGH FIVE

Mavs forward “takes a hit”

Down 2 games to a younger and less-experienced Hornets team while shooting a dismal 27% from the floor probably isn’t the best time to admit that you “love weed”. But this is the predicament that All-Star Josh Howard finds himself in after openly discussing his marijuana habits on Michael Irvin’s radio show last Friday, much to the dismay of his agent, publicist, coach, owner, and commissioner.

Who knew?

Howard candidly described his off-season drug use as his “personal choice and personal opinion” after stating that he would not smoke marijuana during the season even if the league did not have a random testing structure. The former Wake Forest star also added that “everybody in the media world and in the sports world knows that NBA players do smoke marijuana,” to which out-ed players around the league responded by sending him thank-you cards.

The consequences for his confessional soliloquy has not been determined by either the Mavericks organization or the league’s front office, while Commissioner David Stern later called to thank Howard for yet another “image problem” amongst the players in his league, to which Howard offered no response except the slightly-audible sounds of bubbling water. One possible solution might include perhaps mandating the wearing of “I Pass On Grass” pins on everyone’s lapels during official NBA engagements, while “where getting baked happens” ads were immediately pulled.

Hours later, the Mavs, back on their home floor at American Airlines Center, ripped the New Orleans Hornets for their first win of the series; no word yet on if Howard was ripped.

The league mandates four random drug tests for every player from October to June, however, it takes three positive piss tests before a suspension or public knowledge of a player’s recreational drug use.

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ENTER PACMAN

Titans, Cowboys agree on terms for Adam Jones

The hoopla is finally over in Nashville, and will just begin in the Big D. The Tennessee Titans and the Dallas Cowpokes agreed in principle to exchange the former West Virginia Mountaineer Adam “Pac-Man” Jones for still-undisclosed terms, but sources are reporting a possible fourth-round pick in the draft this weekend, along with a future pick should Pac-Man actually lace up his cleats this upcoming season. Both teams confirmed the deal on Wednesday and will await approval from the NFL front office.

The move from America’s team marks the second time in as many years that Jerry Jones has welcomed a player coming off of a high-profile, long-term suspension as a result of multiple mug shots. Last November, the Cowboys brought in tackle Tank Johnson after he sat out eight games before eventually being released by da Bears.

Should he finally get reinstated into the league, Jones will have to put other extra-curricular activities on hold, including his professional wrestling tag duo “Team Pacman” which was wrestling under the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling (TNA) promotion, and his hip-hop record label National Street League.

Jones was drafted sixth overall in the 2005 draft by the Tennessee Titans at cornerback and enjoyed his best season during his sophomore campaign, in which he recorded 62 tackles, a sack, one fumble forced, twelve tips, and four picks (one pick-six). However, he arguably shined brightest during kick and punt returns (averaging a league-leading 12.9 yards per return), where he darted and danced by Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde, eating countless dots along the way.

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SHAUN OF THE UNEMPLOYED

Seahawks cut 2005 MVP


On Tuesday, the Seattle Seahawks cut ties with the franchise’s all time leading rusher and 2005 NFL MVP, just 2 years after leading Seattle to Super Bowl XL which ended in defeat to the Pittsburg Steelers. Alexander enjoyed a stellar 2005 season, leading the league in several categories, including rushing yards (1,880) and touchdowns (28). After his stellar and historic run into the record books, Alexander ran his way into the Seahawks bank vault, making out with an 8-year, $62 million dollar, and the richest running back contract at the time. But with a fateful decision that would seal his career fate for a quick dollar, Alexander agreed to appear on the cover of the following season’s Madden 2007, and life would never be the same for #37.

Weighed down in the backfield with all his new found green, if not elevated expectations, as well as the Madden Curse in the air, Alexander suffered his worst season since his rookie year in 2000. Appearing in just 10 games, Alexander recorded a mere 7 touchdowns and 896 rushing yards, while recording a career high 6 fumbles in limited action. 2007 was even worse than 2006, as Alexander suffered another setback. This time to the wrist, much to the dismay of Seahawk fans and fantasy football owners alike, Shaun finished his Seahawks career by scoring 4 touchdowns and rushing for 716 yards in 13 games.

Looking to go in a new direction, the Seahawks cut ties with the main cog in Seattle offense that has made the playoffs for the past 5 seasons. The move leaves quarterback and soup pitchman Matt Hasselbeck to hand the ball off to new backfield mates Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett to fill Alexander’s big shoes. Alexander, now a 30 year old veteran and coming off two injury-plagued seasons, seeks a new employer to take his gap-toothed grin, along with his veteran presence and experience, to a fresh new start.

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EAST COAST DROPPER

Fenway Fanatic gets credited with error

Apparently, Leon Lett's instructional manual "Secure the Ball, then Celebrate" did not sell well in the city of Boston, as exhibited by a fan attending a Rangers-Red Sox game, who, after snagging a whistling foul ball with a spectacular effort in the upper deck, proceeded to let the ball slip to the field level during his best Chad Johnson celebration. Surely to follow him until his last days, this goober could cure cancer and would probably still be known for this ballpark blunder.

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JOBA DESCRIPTION

Yankees management in a tiff over Chamberlain’s role

After three weeks into the season and posting a not-first-place 10-10 record in the American League East (oh, horrors), co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner is back on the mic again, giving ‘em ear-gasms sure to be added to the 2008 Bartlett’s Book of Quotations. He and Brian Cashman, the bombers’ general manager since 1997, entered into a public squabble over the role of young-gun hurler Joba Chamberlain, who is currently doing his damage out of the Yankee bullpen.

Although it has been a general assumption that the former All-American would eventually work his way into the rotation, Hank feels this transition period should be expedited. "I want him as a starter and so does everyone else, including him, and that is what we are working toward and we need him there now," Steinbrenner said. "There is no question about it, you don't have a guy with a 100-mile-per-hour fastball and keep him as a set-up guy. You just don't do that. You have to be an idiot to do that."

Who will Hank drop the hammer on when the Yankees get
bounced in the Division Series again?

Cashman argues that Joba should stay in relief-mode, as it is where he is “needed most” to contribute best to the organization, along with the fact that he is currently on an innings limit. However, Youngsters Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have stumbled out of the gate in the Bronx rotation this season, both getting smoked for a combined 31 earned runs in just over 30 frames. Maybe Hank’s checkbook can overpay the Rocket again, or even summon Kevin Brown out of retirement….

And finally, while we're on topic, a real head-shaker:

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WEST TOAST

After a season for the ages out in the wild, wild Western conference, the seeds have been determined and the matchups are finally set. 6 teams were jockeying for home court advantage until the end, while 3 teams were duking it out for the final 2 slots, and one team went home with the 2nd greatest record to not be rewarded with postseason play.

Several teams retooled by plucking All Stars off struggling squads, including the modern game's most dominant force. The NBA's MVP will probably be between 2 different yet completely viable candidates, along with the probable Coach of the Year and Rookie of the Year. It's been an incredible and historic season, and it's just getting to the good part...

1. Lakers vs. 8. Nuggets – For all the drama Los Lakers endured the last few seasons: the Shaq ousting, Phil Jackson book saga, three consecutive first round exits, and the unanswered trade demands of a diva in peril last summer, 2008 looks to finally be the Kobe Bryant’s best chance to win his first title sans the former Big Aristotle-turned-Cactus. With a new running mate Pau Gasol by his side, the Lakers are peaking at the right time, having won 8 of 9 with Bryant in full-on MVP mode, beating opponents down and taking names in the process. And who knows, Andrew Bynum may even make a cameo during the series and provide the Lakers another inside presence against Marcus Camby and KMart. Denver is just way too undisciplined and have play 0 defense, doubly bad when having to face the most prolific scorer in the world. When all is settled, the Lakers should easily take care of the Nuggets fast enough for Carmelo Anthony to make it back in time for happy hour back in Denver. Lakers in 5.

2. Hornets vs. 7. Mavericks – The NBA saw its future this season, a dominating force standing all of 6 feet tall, and just about ready to launch himself into true NBA super stardom. This has been the year of Chris Paul and his Hornets, who came out of nowhere this year and took the Big Easy, and the Western Conference, by storm, securing the #2 seed after missing the dance a season before. However, the young upstart Hornets face a veteran Mavericks team on a mission to erase the memories of that historic and humiliating first round exit against the Warriors a year ago. Dirk Nowitzki, without the pressure of past years, will emerge from his playoff funk dating back to Game 3 of the Finals 2 years ago, Jason Kidd, still learning to man this team, will have an incredible match up with CP3, while Josh Howard will probably be a tremendous secondary option and should have a breakout series. Mavericks in 6.


3. Spurs vs. 6. Suns – This should be the most entertaining series of the playoffs, the 3rd matchup between the squads in 4 years. Shaq vs. Timmy. Nash vs. Parker. Amare, Manu, Grant Hill, and Big Shot Bob’s bodychecking hips. While all of us around the country questioned Steve Kerr’s sanity when he made the crazy February trade to bring in an old and overweight Shaq in the run-and-gun Suns offense, this is the series he was gearing up for, Well, it’s 2 months later, Shaq is in better shape, Amare is having arguably his best season ever, and Nash can lead this team in both uptempo and halfcourt styles. However, you never, ever underestimate playoff-version Spurs, who have demonstrated that team chemistry often beats out superb individual talent. San Antonio has the bench to counter the Suns’ different styles of attack, the best coach in the league, and the battle experience, along with the matching hardware, and will be moving on. But damn, it should be fun to watch. Spurs in 7.

4. Jazz vs. 5. Rockets – After a historic 22-game run and rolling over opponents for months, the Rockets were rewarded with a rematch against the Utah Jazz, who ousted the Rockets in 7 last year. This should be another fun series to watch, as both teams get set to duke it out once again, though with a 7 foot 6 void in the Rockets’ game. Yes, Houston reeled off 10 straight even without Yao, but the playoffs are a different beast. I don’t see how Scola can contain Carlos Boozer, who should be absolutely dominant this series, nor is Dikembe Mutombo a good answer for perimiter shooting Okur. Plus, there’s nobody on the Rockets that can stop Deron Williams, though while not as flashy, is right up there with Paul as the top rising Western PG’s. Rafer’s probably going to be out at least the first game with an injury, and he’s probably the best option they have of staying on Dwill. TMac’s had an incredible season and has put to rest those who doubted his body, and his heart, but the matchups are just going to be too unfavorable to overcome the Rockets trying to get McGrady out of the first round. Jazz in 6.

Western Conference Champions: LA Lakers

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FINALE NIGHT SHOWCASE

With post-season match-ups set and starters gearing up for "Win or Go Home" time, rim-rocking and sky-flying highlights can be hard to come by on the last night of the association's regular season, as seen by Wednesday's Top 10 on NBA TV. The countdown was salvaged, however, by T-Wolves youngster Corey Brewer, who was an integral piece in Florida's back-to-back National Championships and starred in his own "shining moment" at number six.

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NOT SO RAVEN

Aging quarterback hits the eternal shower


After posting a disappointing 2007 campaign (highlighted by a nine-game skid, last place in the AFC North, and a substandard 5-11 record) following a franchise-best 13-win season in 2006, the Baltimore Ravens have yet another piece of the puzzle to figure out as the starting quarterback position comes into serious question. Former Co-MVP Steve “the Air” McNair announced he would hang up his cleats and retire prior to kicking off the ’08 season, tentatively leaving the full-time reigns of the offense to either Kyle Boller or Troy Smith, resulting in panic attacks all across the Old Line State.

The three-time Pro Bowler cited back and shoulder problems (which kept him out of all but six games last year) as the primary reason for trading-in gridiron glory for driving drunk to the golf course and/or fishing boat this fall. McNair will file his retirement papers after playing in 161 games in which he threw for over 31,000 yards and 174 touchdowns, and will surely be remembered for his Young-like mobility in and out of the pocket, allowing him to gain 3,590 yards on the ground and an impressive 37 trips to paydirt.

Steve’s best year arguably came in an MVP-worthy 2003 season, but his closest chance for football immortality came in 2000, where he, Eddie George, and his Tennessee Titans lost Super Bowl XXXIV by 35 inches to Warner, Faulk, and the Greatest Show on Turf. It’s safe to say Mike Jones will probably not be invited to the retirement pot luck.

Here’s to you, Stevie.

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OUT OF THE WOODS

Tiger weak in the knees, Next four weekends up for grabs

It’s a good thing the seamstress in Augusta didn’t alter the green jacket to 42 long, because it will not be hanging up in Tiger’s 5,000-square-foot walk-in closet. A gimpy Woods finished three shots back of Trevor Immelman last weekend, which was good enough for a second-place finish in his campaign for a fifth Masters Tournament victory.

Why the gimp? It was revealed on Tuesday that Tiger was suffering from wounded cartilage in his left knee that has proven to be an annoying nuisance for several months, and with the quest for Grand Slam over before it really took off, he underwent arthroscopic surgery to repair the damage (his fourth knife session on the same knee since 1994). No one said being a god (not to mention filthy rich) was easy on the knees.

The number-one golfer in the world will stay off the links for at least four weeks after the surgery, giving golfers everywhere a legitimate shot to win a tour event. Tiger will almost surely sit out the Players Championship, but will aim to return to action in time to win the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, a course he could probably shoot par in a wheelchair.

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MELODRAMA

DUI in Denver for Nuggets star

As if people were wondering why Carmelo Anthony was never considered a true leader and superstar in the ranks of fellow 2004 draft mates Lebron James and Dwayne Wade, there’s no need to look further than his DUI and arrest early this morning. On the heels of the Nuggets’ convincing 111-94 victory over the Rockets Sunday evening, Melo was arrested at approximately 4:00 AM, pulled over for weaving on the Denver roadways after probably kicking back a few too many Coors lights. Though Melo played arguably his worst the game of the season at the absolute worst time for the Nuggets, going 3-14 field for 11 points, Denver pulled their playoff magic number to 1, with the season finale this Wednesday against the Grizzlies while the Warriors play in Phoenix tonight and host Seattle on Wednesday.

No word yet on what type of action the team will take, though bets are Anthony will likely be in the Nuggets starting lineup for the season finale. After having beat the Warriors and taking the tiebreaker in a monumental game last Thursday in Golden State, the Nuggets retook the driver’s seat for the 8^th spot after the Saturday loss in Utah by beating the banged up Rockets in decisive fashion. While the playoff spot looks just about locked up, the question remains whether or not this incident will be a distraction for the Nuggets and their playoff run.

Thankfully for the Nuggets, they have a true leader and former league MVP in Allen Iverson and a strong bench to overcome this incident, and probably could do some damage in the playoffs with some consistent play. But after having his best season yet, being named All Star starter and putting up career rebounding numbers, this lack of judgment during such a vital late-season stretch and potentially devastating decision has got to leave Nuggets fans wondering when fully grown-ass Melo is finally going to show up. Several Nuggets players admitted the team celebrating like they won a championship after the victory over Golden State, maybe George Karl needs to give his team a reality check. With 2 All Star starters and reigning Defensive Player of the Year, the Nuggets are far too talented a team to be duking it out for the last playoff spot.

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CURSE OF ACTION

Yankees exhume shirt to exorcise the demons

The House that a Sox fan helped build.

It used to be that the significance of the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry spread beyond the borders of the American northeast, showcasing the likes of Ruth “cursing” his old employer, DiMaggio edging a .400-hitting Williams in the ’41 MVP race, Thurman Munson clocking Carlton Fisk in the grill in a home plate bru-ha-ha, and Bucky Dent joining the ranks of Yankees with expletive middle names. Now it’s becoming just plain annoying.

Earlier in the week, a Sox fan who happened to be working on the construction of the new Yankee Stadium (you’d think the Steinbrenner’s would inquire about a contractor’s favorite team on an application) buried an Ortiz jersey in the concrete foundation in an effort of bring some voodoo vibes to the Bronx. So far, it’s only brought bad luck to Ortiz himself, who is hitting a paltry 3-for-43 on the young season and can’t seem to hit a beach ball with a tennis racket.

After initially denying that the burial ever occurred, the Yankees had the supposed location of the jersey torn up by jackhammers for five hours until the tattered uniform was unearthed, ironically wrapped around the body of Jimmy Hoffa. The shirt was burned, Hoffa was re-buried.

And of course, future President of the United States Hal Steinbrenner had to chime in his usual classy way, uttering “I hope his co-workers kick the [expletive] out of him” while sipping scotch from his Michael Scott-like “World’s Best Boss” mug.

The two teams square off Sunday night in the rubber-game of their first series of the season, as this rivalry continues to look more and more like two cross-town high school football foes.

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GOOD BYE-BRATIONS

Love to declare for June Draft

Just a month after leading the UCLA Bruins to their 3^rd consecutive Pac-10 title, and a week after being unceremoniously upset, at least in the eyes of bracket-fillers nationwide, by runner-up Memphis, freshman center Kevin Love and junior guard Darren Collison have reportedly decided to leave Westwood and declare themselves for the upcoming NBA draft. Love and Collison, 1^st team and 3^rd team All-American selections respectively, were expected to hire agents in preparation for the June draft, making them ineligible to return to a Bruin team that just participated in their 3^rd straight Final Four.

According to reports, word first broke out of Love’s potential declaration to enter the ‘08 Draft via his Facebook profile, which stated, “Kevin Love is: entering the NBA draft, suckas” which was taken down soon after and replaced with “Kevin Love is: just joshin ya”.

Amidst the confusion Tuesday, Love’s mom announced that no decision had yet been made, and that Kevin would be travelling up to Oregon on Wednesday to discuss the draft with his family because, well, who needs Intro to Biology when the Chicago Bulls beckon. No word yet on whether Uncle Mike Love would be attending the family meetings and trying to persuade his nephew to go for the green.

If Love and Collison do indeed declare for the draft, the 2008 pool would become even more stacked with talent, as it already looks to be one of the deepest drafts in years. Among those already declared or likely to declare for June: damn-near-consensus #1 pick Michael Beasley, Derrick Rose and teammate CDR from Memphis, USC guard OJ Mayo, the Lopez twins from Stanford, Jerryd Bayless from Arizona, 1^st team All American D.J. Augustin, and forward Anthony Randolph from LSU.

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VINDIC-HATED?

Bucker back in Boston, current Sox flaunt rings to his face

After traveling to Saturn and back during the last week, the Red Sox finally come home to Beantown to open up the 2008 season at the Fens. Ironically, during the same ceremony where the 2007 World Series rings were presented, the grateful people in the Sox front office invited the long-infamous Billy Buckner to experience something he would have 22 years ago, if he only hadn't screwed the pooch. Buckner's psyche was not available for comment.

VIDEO

Vilified and scorned for nearly the past two decades in Red Sox lore, Bucker threw out the first pitch to a rousing ovation from the Fenway faithful as if he had hit a pennant-winning grand slam last October. It's funny how a couple World Series titles heals old wounds....

The Sox would go on to defeat the Detroit Tigers, 5-0, after seven strong innings from Daisuke Matsuzaka. Motown falls to 0-7 on the season.

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ANOTHER SHINING MOMENT....

Ahh, the Madness is finally over, and the Kansas Jayhawks are left standing now that the dust has settled. You know what that means? It's time for your favorite annual guilty pleasure that even your male hair-stylist named Cameron thinks is kinda gay.

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CRY OF THE TIGERS

Missed foul shots doom Memphis; Kansas commits grand larceny

On a Monday evening that more than made up for an arguably second-rate tournament thus far, two of the nation’s top schools all year long banged heads in a 40-minute winner-take-all showdown in central Texas.

In a game that went back-and-forth like Nick Saban’s words for a majority of the first thirty minutes of play, the Tigers began to pull away a little more than halfway through the second half, eventually boosting the margin to a game-high nine points with a few ticks over two minutes left. Faced with desperation and heart-wrenching defeat looking him dead in the eye, Kansas coach Bill Self decided it was time to exploit Memphis’ best-known Achilles’ heel: their inability to hit undefended set shots from fifteen feet out.

This may have been the most exciting and efficient displays of the foul-and-extend-the-game strategies ever seen on the basketball court. As Memphis missed crucial free throw after free throw (four misses in the waning minutes of regulation), the Jayhawks chipped away at the lead with a colossal steal and big outside shots, including the biggest bucket of the tournament coming out of the hands of Mario Chalmers, who swished in a trey with under 3 ticks left on the game clock to send the contest into only the seventh overtime in Championship Game history. A Joey Dorsey-less Tigers team looked panicked and helplessly scrambled around during the extra period, only managing five points.

Memphis’ Bo Outlaw foul-shooting will surely be under severe scrutiny in the coming days, especially with their tournament free-throws showing vast improvement over their horrid regular season numbers. But on the largest of stages, when it counted the most, with the hearts of their fans riding on their shoulders, the Tigers simply could not deliver. One can point at the “controversial” review of a perimeter jumper (and they got the call correct, John), or the lack of an NBA-ready performance from their freshman-sensation Derrick Rose in the first half (credit given for his ailment), or questionable coaching decisions, but ultimately, the never-say-die Jayhawks took full advantage of Memphis’ fatal shortcomings.

So where do things go from here? Does this win validate Self’s tenure in Lawrence? Will Rose or CDR be back in Memphis come next fall? Surely this loss will leave a nasty taste in the mouth of Calipari and his players for quite some time, but as coach said exiting the floor, “when you have a lead like that, you’re supposed to win the game”.

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THE IRON ENSHRINED

The Dream and Ewing, Sr. cement legendary status

When Hakeem Olajuwon and Patrick Ewing went toe-to-toe in the 1994 NBA Finals during the "Dark Ages" of the Chicago Bulls Empire of the Nineties, we all knew we were watching two sure-fire Hall-of-Famers battle each other for the crowning achievement that had eluded both of them for their entire illustrious careers. A rematch of the classic NCAA Championship match a decade earlier, in which Ewing's Georgetown Hoyas defeated Olajuwon's Houston Cougars, Hakeem looked to settle the score. The Dream would eventually “shake” his way to the NBA Promised-Land over the Knicks in a remarkable seven game series (including the year after, against a younger "Diesel"), leaving Ewing to ponder how he just missed his opportunity for glory on the biggest stage that every ball player yearns for.

Hakeem entertained and impressed us not with his sky-flying dunks or nightly inserts in ESPN's Top Plays, but with his remarkable and sheer efficiency, lighting up scoreboards with his 18-foot baseline turn-around fall-aways that seemed to soar endlessly towards the arena rafters before finally splashing into the net. Dominant on both the offensive end and a terribly imposing presence underneath on the defensive end, Olajuwon's game was a perfect blend of yin-yang basketball prowess, much like the soft-crunchy Double Decker tacos he hawked with Shaq during the mid-90s. His was a fun and unique brand of basketball to watch, and frankly, a brand that is sorely missed. Olajuwon enters the halls of Springfield with just under 27,000 points, over 13,000 boards, a astounding 3,830 rejections, two rings with matching Finals MVP trophies, 12 All-Star bids, and one quadruple-double.

As for the man who was the face of the Georgetown Hoyas in the early eighties, the man who seemed to be born with wobbly knees wrapped in braces and icepacks, the man who is the reason that sweat-moppers have a job, the man who was blocked by Muggsy, the original urban caveman before Geico took it and ran, and the man who stole every scene in Space Jam, his Hall resume is just as remarkable. As the Big Apple's man in the middle for 15 years, Ewing led the perennial playoff-bound Knicks in numerous memorable rivalries, with Jordan's Bulls, Reggie's Pacers, and Alonzo's Heat, but was never able to capture that elusive championship in 2 tries. P-Ew holds the Knicks records in scoring, rebounds, blocks, and steals, finished with nearly 25,000 points, 11,000 boards, and just under 3,000 blocks. The 1986 Rookie of the Year was a member of 11 Eastern All Star teams, won Olympic gold twice including the Original Dream Team, and was named one of the NBA' 50 Greatest.

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DURANT DURANT

Rookie nails pair of huge threes in 2OT thriller

Kevin Durant used Sunday’s contest against the Nuggets to provide ESPN a few more highlight clips to air for his Rookie of the Year acceptance next month. Durant scored a career-high 37 points to sink the Nuggets 151-147 in a double overtime thrill ride, exacting revenge for the 168-116 shellacking from the Nuggets in March. It was perhaps one of the last remaining memories the city of Seattle would be able to cherish from its Sonics as the season winds down and the possible exile from the Emerald City looms in the air. But for an evening, all hopelessness and bitter feelings surrounding the situation were out of sight, out of mind, as Durant continued to serve as a shining beacon of hope for what revived Seattle Supersonic basketball could be like for the foreseeable future.

If there is indeed a Madden video game curse, perhaps being featured as an NBA Live star brings better luck. Durant, who starred in a series of promotional commercials alongside cover boy Agent Zero, must have stolen a page out of Gil’s book on late-game heroics. With the lead seesawing back and forth for much of the second half, the Nuggets looked like they would take the game and season series sweep. But with the Key Arena crowd on their feet and looking for a miracle, Durant delivered, calmly sinking a 22-foot dagger to send the game to overtime.


The extra session provided much of the same dramatics, with the game close until the Nuggets took a 5-point lead with a minute remaining off an Allen Iverson three. Durant answered The Answer with a pair from the line, and then Sonics swallowed an AI miss on the other end to set up one last attempt with 9 seconds left. Luke Ridenour received the inbounds and dribbled out to find a wide-open Durant at the top of the arc, nearly 26 feet out, who sink the basket and send to game to yet another overtime session, sending the Seattle crowd into absolute hysterics. The Sonics were able to hold off the Nuggets in double OT, despite 38 points game-high points from Carmelo Anthony and 26 from Iverson, with career-highs from Durant and fellow rookie Jeff Green, who had 35.

The Nuggets suffered a horrid weekend at the worst time, with 2 consecutive shocking losses, last night as they hosted Sacramento, and the thriller in Seattle, the first of 4 road games for Denver. Unable to take advantage of the Warriors’ loss in New Orleans Sunday morning and jump a full game ahead of Golden State, the Nuggets remain tied for the 8th and final Western spot, and know a valuable opportunity slipped through their fingers. Every game is a must win, and the loss puts an even greater emphasis on the showdown in Oakland this coming Thursday, as these two teams continue to duke it out in this historic Western Conference playoff chase.

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AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

Heels eat ‘Hawks dust, Bruins fall short once again

They seemed to be on a destiny-driven collision course in San Antonio, as two of the most-storied collegiate basketball programs looked to oust the other two Final Four participants and finally clash head-to-head at the mountain top for NCAA supremacy. Too bad North Carolina and UCLA (again….) both stumbled short of the finish line and simply looked outmatched, out-hustled, and outplayed at the hands of Kansas and Memphis, respectively.

In a game made up of scoring runs by each side, the Tar Heels seemed utterly dominated and helplessly-stunned by the way the Jayhawks were scoring at will. Right out of the gate, it looked as if Kansas gave UNC a devastating leg-whip and took off down the track, eventually running out to a 28-point advantage in the first frame, with the Tar Heels still lying on the ground by the starting blocks. None of UNC’s defensive schemes were really effective at stopping the ball rotation and low-post lobs, and America’s player Tyler Hansbrough got absolutely gang-raped by four blue jerseys every time he tried to step into the paint. The Heels made it interesting in the second half and cut the lead down to single digits, but simply ran out of gas (it is nearing $4/gallon, you know), but will be sure to visit the sludge known as the River Walk and the Alamo before heading back to Chapel Hill.

For the Bruins, they leave the Final Four without the championship nylon for the third straight year and are well on their way to becoming the Buffalo Bills of college basketball. It is apparent that more Final Four experience and playing in an undoubtedly more challenging league did not give the Westwoodies any real edge, as freshman sensation Derrick Rose and Chris Douglas-Roberts (who probably left two teste-sized bruises on Kevin Love’s chin after tea-bagging him on a posterizing dunk) vaulted Calipari’s Tigers to an NCAA-record 38(!) W’s on the year. Payback is a real bitch for the Bruins, as Memphis avenged a title-game loss to UCLA in 1973.

So now Monday night’s final showdown is finally set. The Kansas Jayhawks will look to take home the big prize for the first time since the Ronald Reagan administration. The Memphis Tigers are prepared to bust their first championship nut. John Calipari will try and bring down the program he once coached as an assistant. Bill Self will seek to bring the trophy back to America’s breadbasket. The storylines one could conjure up are endless, so let’s just get it over with and play some ball.

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ROYAL PAIN'D

Kansas City loses itself in the music in sweep


There’s been a buzz coming out of Kansas during the last few days, and it hasn’t been for the Final Four participant Kansas Jayhawks. Well, at least not entirely. The Kansas City Royals, for years the American League’s resident doormat personal piñata, swept the Detroit Tigers, a club that many predicted, including this here blog, to not only win the AL Central, but likely the pennant as well. With arguably one of the best top-to-bottom lineups in the majors, including a very solid rotation, the Tigers came into the season looking as good as any team to beat come October. So imagine the shock when the Royals, who have amassed a paltry one winning season in the last baker’s dozen, pummeled their division rivals in the season-opening series sweep.

The Tigers, for their part, were dealing with the absence of some major pieces to the championship puzzle. Without Curtis Granderson for at least the first 2 weeks, along with Miguel Cabrera and Gary Sheffield sustaining early injuries, thing were already looking bleak for Old Man Leyland’s squad. But with a $138 million dollar roster, depth at nearly every position, and veteran leadership stemming from a World Series appearance just 2 years, one would expect the Tigers to show a little more roar than the opening meow they mustered. After losing the opening day contest 5-4, the Tigers powerful offense scored but a single run during the next 2 days, hitting .206 while collecting 24 K’s during the set. The Royals, meanwhile looked like the offensive juggernaut, as Mark Grudzielanek went 6-12 for the series and third baseman Alex Gordon sent two homeruns over the Comerica Park fences.

While we’re merely 1/54th of the season through, meaning there’s a ton of ball still to come, the Tigers will undoubtedly steer the ship within the next few weeks. However, hese early victories have to be huge for the rebuilding Royals, coming into Detroit and stealing the early sweep. More Smallville than Metropolis, the small market Royals have been written off in their division by nearly every media outlet, as the spotlight has been placed on the Tigers’ winter acquisitions and the Cleveland Indians looking to build on last year’s success. But as the current Central Division leaders, having just blindsided one of baseball’s best teams, and remaining the only unbeaten squad in all of baseball, the young Royals can truly feel like kings, if only for a few days.

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YEAR OF THE MATT

Injured quarterback photographed at "chill" party

No one said being a rehabbing Heisman Trophy winner with everything to prove was an easy gig. But Arizona’s young quarterback Matt Leinart isn’t making being a public figure any easier, whether the court of public opinion is justified or not.

After missing most of promising ’07 campaign, photos emerged of Leinart livin’ la vida loca with several busty beauties, including one where the former USC-star is holding a beer bong that more resembles a gas can and tube he pulled out of an old lifted Ford Ranger.

No one said being a douche-bag was against the law.

While it’s not something that was on the top of the wish list for Cardinals fans (and coach Whisenhunt) --who would rather have had his continued rehab and preparation for the upcoming season be more prominent in the public eye, it’s not like he was caught doing anything illegal or that could realistically be considered “wrong”. He was not beating his wife, playing Wyatt Earp in front of gentlemen’s clubs, or breeding killer canines. There is not an NFC Divisional Playoff game next Sunday against a division rival. The girls were supposedly of age, and how he spends his off-time is obviously his own business.

And give the man a break. He has to cut a $15K child-support check every month so his baby's mama can have a 335i, an iPhone, and an LV handbag.

In 17 games over two seasons living with the cacti, Matty has thrown for 13 touchdowns and a stellar 16 picks, all the while the Cards have amassed a disappointing 13-19 mark in one of the worst divisions in football. In 2007, he played in 5 games before snapping a collarbone and handed the reigns over to ageless Kurt Warner, who lead the team to an even 8-8 record.

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BREAK POINT

Gushin' Russian becomes instant internet celebrity

It looks as if tennis players will do just about anything to make it onto SportsCenter, as Mikhail Youzhny has just become the undisputed face of the sport (albeit bludgeoned), if not for the next few days.

In a third-round match against Nicolas Almagro, Youzhny reacted to his own bone-head play by taking his frustration on his head bone. After sending a backhand into the net, the Russian played Whack-a-Kov with his thousand-dollar racquet and opened up a beautiful head wound, which delayed the match for a few minutes.

But, after forgoing stitches and an ounce of common sense, Youzhny continued and actually won the match in a third-set tiebreaker, proving the old adage “winners never cheat, but hot-headed chumps on a steady diet of nylon and titanium sometimes win” to be true.

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FLIP FLOP, YA DON'T STOP

The seeds, they are a changin'... again

Feeling great in Eight

Another day, another set of games, another change in the Western Conference standings. One night after suffering a monumental and humiliating 22-point collapse in the Valley of the Suns, the Denver Nuggets April fooled the Suns with a 126-120 victory in Denver. After giving up 46 fourth quarter points to the Suns Monday night in a loss that dropped the Nuggets back out of the playoffs for all of one day’s time, the Nuggets reclaimed their winning ways on the home floor with 31 points from Allen Iverson, including 11-11 from the charity stripe. Leandro Barbosa led the Suns with 27, while Steve Nash had 17 points and 18 dimes in the losing effort.

Despite giving up a 14-point lead late in the game, the Nuggets managed to pull out the victory and sealed the win with 37 seconds left on a jumper by Marcus Camby, who apparently does more than just stand and grab loose boards. After cutting the margin and taking a short-lived lead in the 4th, Phoenix failed to convert their baskets at the end, including a missed three by Barbaro with 15 ticks left. Carmelo Anthony sank a free throw to give him 25 on the night, and Nash couldn’t convert a desperation three, before a pair of Shaq missed free throws. The loss moved Phoenix back to a half game behind the idle Lakers in the race for the Pacific Division.

timmay...

The Nuggets jumped back to 8th place in the West race as the Golden State Warriors were completely manhandled by the Spurs at the Alamo, 116-92. The mechanical Spurbots continued to perform in playoff form with their 8th straight victory and 20th straight over the Warriors in San Antonio. The Spurs’ Big Three completely overmatched the Warriors’ Big Three and highest scoring trio in the league. Tony Longoria led the champs with 26 points, while Timmay had 17 and 12 boards, and Manu added 16 off the bench. The Warriors got 19 from Baron Davis and 14 from Monta Ellis, but only got 6 from Stephen Jackson on 2-12 shooting, before Don Nelson emptied the bench with the game out of reach.

The Warriors will look to bounce back as they face Dallas tomorrow night on the national stage, just 3 days after beating the Mavs in Oakland. Dirk Nowitzki , in a surprisingly gutsy move for his standards, was upgraded to day-by-day by the medical staff, and may suit up to in the huge game for the Mavs, who have continued to look mediocre and, surprisingly, slower since the Jason Kidd trade and since Dirk went down just about aweek ago.The Mavs, reeking of desperation, have fallen to 0-10 against winning teams with the loss on Sundayand look to be in danger of hobbling right out of the playoff picture. A Warrior win tomorrow will knot all three teams back up at 46-29, while a Maverick victory will push the Warriors to a full game behind the Nuggets for the 8th spot while holding their spot for 7th.

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