GLANCING TO SEPTEMBER

NFL’s Opening Weekend Announced

The NFL revealed the schedule for the highly-anticipated annual “Kickoff Weekend”, set to begin on Thursday night, Sept. 4, when the New York Football Giants officially begin their still-flabbergasting Super Bowl title defense and will look to “stomp out” division foe Redskins at the Meadowlands.

This tradition of launching football’s regular season at the home stadium of the reigning kings of the gridiron seems to be sticking, although the Giants would probably rather start the season on the road, given their almost-miraculous run through the playoffs last year outside of Jersey and their shear mediocrity at Giants Stadium. Plus, the Jets NEVER clean up after themselves and leave the place as an even bigger dump than it already is.

Two teams on opposite ends of the quarterback-stability spectrum will square off on NBC’s first Sunday Night Football telecast of the season, as the Bears will face the Colts in a rematch of the outmatched Super Bowl XLI. The designs and features of the brand-new Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis will surely be showcased, and John Madden will be dumbfounded by all of them.

Lucas Oil Field, the deathbed of
Marvin Harrison's career

Monday Night Football’s opening day double-header will feature half-man/half-unfair Adrian Peterson and the possible division front-running Vikings visiting Rodgers and the Pack in what might already be renamed Favre Field by the time fall rolls around. Green Bay fans will already be hours deep into reminiscing about the “good old days” when the Raiders and Broncos square off in the nightcap; the rest of us will already be asleep.

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BIG WEST CONFERENCE

One monumental (of several) weekend out West

In a playoff race with more jockeying than Churchill Downs and with more developing plot twists and turns than an episode of ‘Lost’, this weekend is shaping up to be monumental for the teams vying for the elite eight out West. Although, really, this is going to be a statement that will ring true pretty much all the way til the mid-April finish line is crossed. In the Southwest, a mere half game separates New Orleans, San Antonio, and Houston in the standings, thanks to the Bees losing to the Celtics and Spurs taking care of Minny last night. Sunday proves to be an important game for shaking out home court advantage, as the Rockets and Spurs throwdown at the Alamo on the national broadcast, as current #5 Houston looks on from the outside for homecourt.

Los Lakers, on a 2-game losing streak after collapsing to Memphis last night and having just lost 3 of 4, are literally a beaten and battered team right now. Without Pau Gasol, still nursing the ankle injury, and evidenced by Derek Fisher’s torn tendon in his foot and Kobe’s million-dollar mug all bandaged up, karma is rearing it ugly head in Hollywood, with Bob Delaney nowhere in sight. And don’t look now but old friend Shaquille O’Neal and the revitalized Suns, just a half game behind the Lakers despite having lost 2 in a row earlier this week, can climb into a tie atop the Pacific with a win tonight in New Jersey. Gasol, however, looks to return Sunday night against the Wizards, just in time to provide more dramatics and take the load off Kobe’s shoulders.

The bottom of the playoff race is just as dicey with 3 teams, yet again, all within half a game of each other, Fight Clubbing for the last 2 spots. Seventh seeded Dallas is one game away from potentially missing out on their annual Playoff meltdown, as they remain winless against winning teams, and without reigning-MVP Dirk Nowitzki for the foreseeable future. As much flak as the Suns received early on for bringing in Shaq to disrupt chemistry, the Jason Kidd deal was not what the Mavericks needed, and team leadership remains nowhere in sight.

With the Golden State Warriors holding steady at #8 and the streaking Denver Nuggets, having won 4 straight, including Thursday’s matchup with the Mavs, right behind them, Mark Cuban has to shaking in his dancing shoes at the thought of his team topping last year’s first round exit and replacing May basketball with ping pong balls instead. The Mavericks could fall to eighth by the end of the weekend, as the Warriors head to Denver to take on the Nuggets tonight in Denver before flying back to the Bay to take on the Mavericks tomorrow.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ROLLED

Bobcats reject Lakers and refs eject Kobe

JRich or die flying

After completing 2 grueling and exhausting games in as many nights against the Golden State Warriors, the Lakers returned home seeking to steamroll a less formidable opponent from the JV Eastern Conference by hosting the Charlotte Bobcats Wednesday. Instead, the Lake Show suffered their second straight home defeat 108-95, as the Bobcats cruised to a rather easy-looking victory in Southern California, led by a monster showing from Jason Richardson with 30 points and 10 boards. With the contest decidedly out of reach with 3:40 left, Kobe Bryant decided to take his ball home and check out of the game, hoping to beat the traffic rush out of Staples Center along with the countless fans decked in purple and gold who made their ways to the exits early.

The Bobcats, who lost in Utah last night in the first game of a four game trip out West, jumped out to an early lead and really never looked back. Up 10 in the first quarter before the Lakers cut the lead down, the Bobcats continued to pour on the points and took a 57-44 lead at halftime. Both teams played evenly throughout the third, and Kobe was in typical MVP form, scoring the first 15 points for the Lakers. The Staples crowd went into the final frame expecting a 4th quarter comeback much like the Lakers did, coming back from down 26 points aginst the Warriors before taking a short-lived lead on Sunday.

Sweet Carroll line: 18 pts, 3-4 3's

And, that comeback did happen, as expected. The Lakers jumped out to score the first 10 points and it looked like MJ’s team simply would be no match for the Lakers and Kobe’s will. Slashing the lead down to 3 with a dramatic three by Sasha Vujacic, the Lakers were about to grab a stranglehold on the game. But, a funny thing happened along the way, and the Bobcats played like a veteran team , weathering the Laker storm and closing out the victory. A 16-5 run led by J-Rich and a four-point play by Matt-freaking-Carroll sealed the Lakers’ fate. Bryant, who committed the foul on Carroll, and flustered by the officiating not going his way, asked to be excused early, picking up 2 technicals and the subsequent ejection before the Lakers finally went down for the count.

Kobe the nevernude hit the showers early

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NOTHING LASTS FOR-WEBBER

A requiem for the former All-American

As Ringo and Paul continue to duke it out for the last living member of the Fab Four, the fight for last remaining active player from the Michigan’s Fab Five seems to be over. With a formal announcement expected on Wednesday, C-Webb will join other former Wolverine brethren in the ranks of NBA Alumni and leave Juwan Howard as the last man standing.

Webber graciously leaves the hardwood with an impressive resume that may very well land him his own exhibit in Springfield, averaging nearly 21 points, 10 boards and 4 dimes per contest over his career, nearly identical to the numbers Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing put up in their illustrious careers. Webber also won the NBA Rookie of the Year in 1994, garnered five All-Star selections, and appeared on five All-NBA teams.

Over an injury-plagued 14-year career, Webber impacted each of the five uniforms he pulled over his head, arguably experiencing his best and near-championship years at the turn of the millennium with the Sacramento Kings, one win away from playing on the big stage before losing to the Lakers in seven games in 2002.

Webber helped revive basketball in doormant Sacramento, and for several years was the ringleader for one of the most exciting and entertaining acts in the league. But, coupled with back-to-back second-place finishes among the collegiate ranks (including his now infamous meltdown at the 1993 Final Four), Webber has developed the reputation of being a successful impact player that somehow always finished just short of the ultimate goal.

After a less-than-triumphant second stint with Golden State in 2008 (playing in 9 games and lighting up the board with a cumulative 35 points), it seems his career has come full circle as he finally succumbs to years of chronic knee problems which reared its ugly head in 2005. While many Warrior fans were excited about the idea of the prodigal son returning, his signing hardly made the impact of a Gasol or O’Neal, but somehow still seemed fitting.

Coming back to the city he began his career, with the coach he first played under, in a system his skills could have been utilized seemed almost to good to be true. And, it was. The 20 year-old rookie Warriors fans remembered for flushing down a behind-the-back on Sir Charles, making pretty passes for a big man reminiscent of Magic, and leading fast breaks huffing and puffing his way down court returned 15 years older, slower, and long past his glory days.

So Happy Retirement, Chris. I know it may be difficult to come to terms with the end of your playing days, so just think of the next three or four months as just one of your nagging trips to the IR, or just until you can truly accept your legacy. There are so many other horizons in his world for you to explore, and if Jalen can call himself an “analyst”, then so can you. May your “golden” years be relaxing, enjoyable, filled with blunts and void of timeouts.

Here-here!

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FLOP IT LIKE IT'S HOT

Bryant and Lakers seek revenge in Oakland


In what turned out to be an incredible 2 days worth of basketball, energy-filled and with enough electricity worthy of playoff basketball, the Lakers and Warriors took part in the second half of the Battle of California up in Oakland. The Lakers prevailed in overtime 123-119, as Kobe Bryant finished with 30 and 11 boards, while Lamar Odom followed up his 22 rebound performance yesterday with 21 boards tonight. Baron Davis led the way for the Warriors with 30 points with Monta Ellis right behind him with 29. However, the contest, which featured numerous lead changes and a dramatic 10-1 Warriors rally to send the game into overtime, was unfortunately decided on a controversial referee decision.

Down 2 with 4 ticks left and inbounding the ball, Stephen Jackson looked for his teammates to get open. Baron Davis, guarded at the top of the arc, couldn't separate himself from Kobe Bryant's grip. Second option Monta Ellis attempted to make his way towards the ball to receive the inbounds, but found himself tangled and brought down, along with Derek Fisher, to the floor. In what should have been a Bob Delaney no-call, according to the replays and Fisher himself, an offensive foul was charged to Ellis, much to the dismay of the sold-out Oracle Arena crowd. The Lakers escaped with the dramatic victory with a pair of KB free throws to seal the deal, and Jordan Farmer's steal at the end of overtime.

After the game, Derek Fisher spoke about the fateful call that decided the contest:

"I thought it was going to be a no-call, just two guys fall down and the play goes on,” Fisher said. "So when the whistle blew, it caught me off-guard as well. … I don't think anybody was necessarily guilty of anything, but from the angle that Bob had, it looked (Ellis) had his hands to my chest, which he did. But like I said, I wasn't trying to fall down at all in that situation.”

With the victory, the Lakers avoided losing the season series to the Warriors for the first time since the 1994-95 season. If this is indeed a preview for the upcoming postseason, it will be hard to top such an emotional rollercoaster and the flat-out exciting level of play these interstate rivals displayed the last two days. With a healthy Lakers squad with Bynum and Gasol returning, the possibility of an even greater 7 game series is something David Stern needs to figure out how to make a reality.

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OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN

Stephen Jackson sinks Loss Lakers

Cap'n Clutch

Any NBA team that gives up a 26-point lead usually doesn’t deserve to win the game. More than likely, they won’t even get the chance to make it close, anyways. Additionally, any team that blows a 26-point advantage often doesn’t deserve to win the game, either. On Easter Sunday the Lakers hosted the Warriors in Part 1 of the Battle of California, in what would become an incredible and unpredictable tale of two halves. Calling this contest an epic duel might not do justice for what took place at Staples Center between these division rivals.

Jumping out to an early first half advantage, the Warriors did not look anything like the team that lost 9 of its previous meetings in Lakerland. Stephen Jackson was unconscious early on, sinking 4-4 from beyond the arc in the first quarter. Monta Ellis slashed his way through the Laker defense to compliment the outside game. The Warriors matched a season-high 72 points in the first half, or just 9 points short of Mavericks’ total points against the Spurs earlier today, and looked to be in control with a 23 point lead at the break.

Then, like a Hollywood villain who isn’t quite as dead as you thought, the Lakers woke up and took control of the 3rd quarter. As hot as the Warriors played early on and forced turnovers, the Lakers came out with grit and turned the tables on the Warriors in the furious rally. A number of defensive stops and slowing down the tempo enough to force ill-advised perimeter shots allowed Los Lakers to cut the deficit to 6 going into the 4th. Kobe Bryant came alive in the 4th, scoring 16 of his 36 in the final frame and rallying the team to completely cut the deficit and take the lead, all before the whirlwind end of the game.

With :46 left, Kobe did what he does best – draining a three from 26 feet out to cut the deficit to one. However, on the next possession, Jackson answered back with a three of his own, his first bucket of the second half. Following a timeout, the Lakers traded 2-for-1 as, who else, Kobe drained yet another three to cut the lead back to one, 112-111. As Baron Davis brought the ball up the court, and the seconds wound down on the clock, he found Jackson wide open from 27 feet out. Captain Jack drove the final dagger in the Lakers’ heart, hitting the three and game-deciding points.

The Lakers now fly up to the Bay Area where they will once again take on the Warriors with a foul taste in their mouth, and part two of this NorCal-SoCal shootout, while the Warriors seek to win the season series 3-1.

OFF TO THE SWEAT COAST

Stanford, UCLA survive scares; Duke gets dumped

Fight, Fight, Fight

While Saturday’s contests under the southern-California sun did not exhibit the Pac-10 as the most-dominant league in the country, it did showcase two storied powerhouses with intestines of steel and sub-zero IV drips. Within an hour drive for the Baby Bears and an hour flight for the Cardinal from their respective campuses, a sold-out crowd of well over 17,000 descended on the Honda Center in Anaheim to watch two teams punch their tickets to the Regionals.

It's good to see that Justin Guarini
is finally getting a taste of victory.

Down much of the game and without their leader Trent Johnson, who was inexplicably tossed with two T’s just before the half on the biggest of stages, the Cardinal’s 7-foot twin towers of Robin and Brook Lopez dominated the second frame by doing what they were supposed to do: punish the smaller Golden Eagles in the paint. Brook put up 30 points (including the game-winning shooter’s bounce on the baseline) and Robin added 18 to push Stanford to the Sweet Sixteen, barely avoiding the agony of heading back to the Bay Area and pondering why they both have girls' names.

UCLA has been no stranger to last-second drama the last few weeks of the season, and their second-round clash with the Aggies of Texas A&M was no exception. With Josh Shipp putting up a donut through much of the night, Luc Mbah a Moute walking more than Barry Bonds, and Kevin Love missing jumpers from 17 out, the first half seemed like a premonition of impending doom for the squad from Westwood, especially with A&M getting all the bounces, including a HORSE-winning bank shot off the top of the board. But Darren Collison’s Jason-Kapono-impression in the first half kept them within reach, and Love’s block party (sending back 7!) in the second half was enough to get the Bruins to Phoenix.

The Dukies were utterly outmatched in the second half by the Mountaineers, to the dismay of a flu-stricken and frustrated Coach K. Their lack of a significant inside presence and complete collapse of their outside game (including 15 straight bricks from behind the line) were too much for the Devils to overcome, as they were ousted in the second round before a raucous D.C. crowd, including a fully-dressed mountain man reminiscent of Ted Kaczynski. This marks the second straight year Duke has failed to reach the Sweet Sixteen.

KEEPIN' UP WITH THE JONES'

Titans and Jerry’s Cowboys talking Pacman

It must feel terrible to be the first NFC team to be seeded number one in the playoffs and lose on Divisional Weekend, not to mention the coarse Kosher salt rubbed into wounds at the hands of a loathed divisional rival and Super Bowl champion-to-be. Throw in a quarterback who might be attending the Nickelodeon Teen Choice Awards with his girlfriend and a receiver who cries into his popcorn, what is a team to do?

America's Player

Jerry Jones is considering heading back to Convicts-R-Us to take a look at a used cornerback/returner being traded in by its current owners. After bringing in lineman Tank Johnson just months after getting out of the pen, Amerca’s team needs another role model and locker room leader. Who better than Pacman Jones?

While the Cowboys might be the current frontrunner to suit Jones up this fall, the New England Patriots and Detroit Lions have also expressed interest in the ex-West Virginia Mountaineer. However, Pacman has stated that it is every football player’s dream to wear the star, plus doing the rain dance at Dreams Gentlemens Club in southwest Dallas.

While there may be little or no issues with effort, performance, and team chemistry, will Jerry Jones bring the hammer down should off-field troubles rear its ugly, braided head yet again? Who knows, maybe Pacman will be this year's Moss and surpass every expectation.

THE TAMPA SPECIAL

Clemson, Vandy, Drake, and UConn crucified in West Florida

After a relatively quiet first day (nay a near Britney-sized disaster by the Durham Devils) in the NCAA Tournament, day two on Good Friday more than made up for me falling asleep during Wisconsin/CSU Fullerton by delivering five games that went undecided until the final seconds of play.

Something has to be in the water in Tampa that somehow gives those not expected to come out victorious to…well, come out victorious. Proof: the Devil Rays (now known simply as the Rays after an apparent religious epiphany) won 66 games last year. That’s 66 upsets. Oh, and also, all higher seeds playing in the Tampa pod fell on Friday, a feat that had never happened before in the history of college ball.

San Diego becomes the third double-seeded
team to send the Huskies home in the past three years.

The San Diego Toreros, from a small 4,000-student Catholic school overlooking the ocean, provided possibly the deadliest shocker thus far by stunning Calhoun’s Huskies of Connecticut with a last second De'Jon Jackson jumper from the wing with less than 2 seconds left in bonus basketball, proving that while UC San Diego may have the brains and San Diego State may have the boobs, USD has the ballers.

Need more drama than that? Hours before, on the very same hardwood floor, Ty Rogers nailed a game-winning shot from a distant 25 feet as time expired in the extra period to sink the dreams of #5 Drake and send his Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (?) to the second round. Adding to the Tampa turmoil, ‘Nova sent a confident Clemson team packing, while #13 Siena made a mockery of Vanderbilt’s four-seed by topping the Commodores, 83-62.

Friday validated and showcased why this tournament is the second-most popular sporting event on the American calendar, as teams filled with players un-recruited from the power conferences, and playing for nothing more than the pride of the name stitched to their chests, find a way to slay history-filled, long-standing giants.

They sent fans and fellow students into violent frenzies watching the games back home in student unions, rec halls, and dorm rooms. They filled the eyes of basketball mothers, who drove to and back from practice during the past decade, with joyous tears. They give younger aspiring athletes a reason to set a goal or chase a dream. They also fucked up brackets in offices nationwide.

Larger-name schools may have the money, the big-name coach, the aggressive scouting practices (Hi, Kelvin), and next April’s first round of the NBA Draft, but once confidence starts flowing through the veins of teams like Davidson and Siena, once these sometimes overlooked, but truly talented, players genuinely believe they deserve to play on the same court as those from legendary programs, then they really can.

SAFETY SCHOOLS

Day 1 ends with little drama

With the first day of Madness come and gone, and businesses nationwide suffering the expected stagnant productivity, the tournament wagon rolls on with a little lighter load. After the first batch of first round matchups, 16 teams are still alive, and 16 teams are going back home in time for an early spring break before Finals. For those keeping track at home, taking the safe route with their tournament picks, things are looking pretty nice – 14 out of 16 favorites won their respective first round contests.

The Midwest Region’s 6th seed USC Trojans suffered a poked hole in their game during the first half to Kansas State, and never could recover, another USC sports teams failing to live up to their hype. For all the hype he generated throughout the season, freshman OJ Mayo left his potential last college contest with disappointment. Mayo led his team with 20 points, though a handful of those points coming in disappointing garbage time, and got little help from the rest of the Trojan men. The 11th seeded Wildcats combined a strong all-around team game to support super frosh Michael Beasley, whose 23 points and 11 boards were complimented by 22 points from teammate Bill Walker . Beasley, unlike the superb season he’s had this year, struggled early on as he only scored 5 points in11 foul-troubeled minutes, but came out of the half on fire. The Wildcats move on to face #3 seed Wisconsin.

The other “upset” took place out West, as the region’s #8 BYU Cougars fell to #9 Texas A&M Aggies 67-62. The Aggies jumped out to an 11-point lead, and looked like they would crush the Cougars and send the pale force back to the mountains with their tails between their legs. However, the Cougars looked like they had a higher power on their side, storming back and cutting into the Aggies’ lead before tying the game at the half. But the outside shot simply wasn’t falling for BYU as they would have liked. The shooting touch that helped set a school record-setting 278 pointer s deserted them with a 7-22 performance instead. As the Cougars are sent packing back to Utah to drown their sorrows in jugs of icy cold milk, the Aggies are rewarded with a date with tournament-favorites UCLA.

As for UCLA, the West's #1 Bruins annihilated #16 Mississippi Valley State 70-29, sending a message to the rest of the teams watching that the Bruins have their eyes on their prize. Kevin Love scored 20 with 9 boards in 21 minutes of work to lead the Bruins. The Delta Devils leave California with another accomplishment besides producing Jerry Rice, as they scored the fewest points in the tournament's last half century and nobody in double digit scoring.

DANCING HOUR

My popcorn is ready, baaaaaaby!


The always-anticipated Selection Sunday has come and gone, and by 7pm, I more than had my yearly fix of Greg Gumbel. Some players celebrated with thousands of rabid students behind them, and others found their bubble residue-covered faces falling into their hands in the coach’s living room. The brackets are out and printer ink is being consumed at a record-pace. Here’s what to watch for:

EAST. The Heels may have the most lavish traveling situation in the tournament, as they can basically ride a baby blue Segway to their pod-site in Raleigh and their regionals in Charlotte before booking their Southwest Fun Fares to the Rio Grande. Apparently the committee compensated for this luxury by loading up their East Region with noteworthy talent, namely the best second-seed in the bracket in the Tennessee Vols, who, up until last week, was a front-runner for a top slot.

First-Round TiVo: (8)Indiana vs (9)Arkansas
State-of-Shock: (7)Butler over (2)Tennessee in the Second Round
Marbles: (1)North Carolina over (3)Louisville

Can the 'Hawks live up to the "bill-ing"?

MIDWEST. The Jayhawks were rewarded by a strong showing at the Big-XII Tournament, and on paper, Kansas should charge their way down to the Alamodome. While it may not be chock-full of the best talent in the land, this region has its fair share of rising programs (Clemson, Kansas State) and annual mainstays (Wisconsin, Gonzaga), not to mention instant gratification with Title Fight-worthy Mayo and Beasley exchanging Ultimate Highlights in just the first weekend of action.

First-Round TiVo: (6)USC vs (11)Kansas State
State-of-Shock: (12)Villanova over (5)Clemson in First Round
Marbles: (3)Wisconsin over (1)Kansas

SOUTH. Intriguing storylines stick out here, including the oft-disrespected Tigers of Memphis, Temple unearthing their experienced but dusty dancing shoes, Pitt’s strong play in the Big East royal rumble leading to a four-seed after a season of Hokey-Pokey-ing in and out of the Top 25, and Kentucky become reacquainted with what a bubble actually feels like.

First-Round TiVo: (6)Marquette vs (11)Kentucky
State-of-Shock: (4)Pittsburgh over (1)Memphis in Regional Semifinals
Marbles: (2)Texas over (4)Pittsburgh

WEST. With a suddenly-reeling Duke and the inconsistent Huskies of UConn, the UCLA Bruins might as well ask the committee to spot them plane tickets to the Final Four before the games even begin. On the other hand, asking Darren Collison and Kevin Love to accomplish a tall task and take the program to the Big Show in three straight years is quite the request. It might be fun to see how this region plays out, but it also might be boring.

First-Round TiVo: (8)BYU vs (9)Texas A&M
State-of-Shock: (11)Baylor over (6)Purdue in First Round
Marbles: (1)UCLA over (2)Duke

ADIEU AT 22

Goodnight Houston, and godspeed.


Thanks for the memories, Rockets. Over the last month and half you've given us countless memories and made us all fans. Watching your style of basketball play and team camaraderie have made us all Clutch-City Crazies. Because of you we don't just bleed red anymore. Nah, we bleed Rocket Red, baby. Win after blowout win, we fell a little more in love with the Rockets. Hell, Houston became like a second home for many of us.

You stepped out of San Antonio's noogie and made a name for yourself. No longer just the easy part of the Texas swing, but somehow one of the most hostile environments in the Association. When Yao went down, it looked you suffered a big yao-chy, one that would have to drop you from playoff contention. We doubted you. Well, we were wrong.

You carried on without the big man, and kept tacking on wins. 10, 11, 12 in a row... It defied logic and common sense. Fans were coming out of the woodwork to cheer you on. Casual fans were coming out the woodworks, finally dedicated to the team for the first time in a decade. Doesn't matter though, the product on the court spoke volumes, made new fans. It wasn't just a basketball game. You were mending broken hearts. You were bridging generations closer together. You were curing cancer... at least that's what it seemed like, the way your fans went on and on about how life-changing this streak was.


Thank God this streak happened, Rockets fans. Rick Adelman discovered he had more than 2 players he could count on when he needed to. Shane Battier stepped up like he was back in Cameron and made countless big shots. Luis Scola and Carl Landry saved themselves from any major rookie hazing because they played so well. Skip to my Lou?...we love you! And thank you, Rox, for giving us one more fling with Mt. Mutombo. What would we be without Dikembe Mutombo, and all his finger-wagging, Cookie monster sounding jargon which you so brilliantly tried to duplicate, but couldn't come close to matching the original.

And finally, thank you for sharing Tracy McGrady with us. After witnessing first round exit after first round exit, we wondered if he could win anything meaningful. You showed us the real T-Mac. The McGrady we saw was a winner, and gamer, and actually able to carry the load of a team on his perceived weak knees. Night after night he brought it, and showed flashes of Mike, a touch of Oscar, a hint of Magic, and topped with some Dream. One order of TMac for MVP, please.


Rockets, you showed us you're legit. First place in the loaded wild, wild west. Nothing can stop you, nothing will stop you. The only time Houston, you will be having problems is deciding when to ease your foot off the throats of your opponents. The playoffs should be a breeze. The curse is over. Tracy will advance to the second round, right? At least. So keep it up, Rockets. Lock up first place and keep on keepin on. Because 22 games is no fluke. Better than a quarter of the season, one big fat W streak. You showed us you have the heart of a champion, and you know what Rudy T. said about what not to do about those.

Forget about Timmy, Kobe, CP3 and Booze. Keep your eye on the prize, and don't lose that focus you've been displaying night in and night out. You don't want that long winning streak to be all for naught, do you? What good is all the attention and praise if you can't get your hands on the Larry O'Brien? Because nobody wants to experience the highs of an incredible, historic winning streak then falter and fall humiliatingly short of the final goal, do they, Pats?

GANG GREENED

Celts come back late to top Champs

Fierce Pierce was Texas-sized big

In a matchup of what many predict to be a Finals preview, the Celtics and Spurs provided an action-packed St. Patrick’s sneak peek. The Celtics won a nail-biter 93-91, despite looking as inebriated early on as their fans celebrating the holiday back home, down 17 after the first and as many as 22 at one point. The Celtics once again overcame the absence of Jesus Shuttlesworth nursing an ankle injury undoubtedly suffered at the hands of his father, Jake, with 3 players scoring 20 or more points. P-Double lead the way with 22 and Kevin Garnett added 21, as the Celtics rode to the winner’s circle after stage one of the Tour de Texas.

The Spurs, despite Manu Ginobili pouring in 32 points from all over the court, forgot to charge the batteries for their machine-like game for the second half. The Celtics came out strong after the break as baskets went down faster than half-off Irish car bombs, while the Spurs struggled offensively as their lead shrank to just 2 after the third. The Celtics took their first second-half lead after Sam Cassell phoned home a three with 45 seconds left. Down 2 with 4 ticks left, Bruce Bowen stole the inbound, legally, and passed the ball to Big Shot Bob, who looked more like Mediocre Ol' Bob as he missed a fallaway three pointer as the buzzer sounded.

Not tonight, Bob

The Celtics get no extended St. Patty's celebration tonight, however, as they move on to face the Rockets and their mind-boggling 22-game winning streak. The national stage is set for undoubtedly the biggest game of the season as the leaders in their respective conferences square off in a Houston showdown, as KG and Co. look to end the Rockets' historic streak.

ROUT-MATCHED

Nuggs stomp Sonics by 55; set franchise record

It’s no secret that the Seattle Supersonics are a fry cry from yesteryears that boasted defensive-specialist Gary Payton and All-Star Shawn Kemp (minus 50 pounds and nine bastard children), but come on. In a rematch of a playoff series known as one of the greatest upsets in the sport, Sunday’s game between the Sonics and Nuggets was just plain upsetting.

The Nuggets dropped a face-melting 168 points on the near-cellar-dwelling squad from the northwest, who have lately been more concerned with exactly where they will lose their typical 60 games next year and might as well have been playing defense in wheelchairs.

Inside the debacle:

• Denver’s 168 points in regulation was 5 points shy of the record, held by the 1990 Suns who put 173 on the board against, who else, the Nuggets.
• Seattle gave up 138 points to the Nuggets last month. Spygate’s effects must be rippling beyond football, as game tapes are being destroyed across all sports leagues and hindering game preparations.
• Pass it Around: Carmelo Anthony led the team in scoring with 26 and was one of eight Nuggets in double figures.
• The Nuggets shot 60.4% from the floor, including a lights-out 16-for-31 from downtown.
• Denver put up 84 points at the half. The Hornets scored 84 and the Heat ended up with 73 points in their entire respective games on Sunday.
• The Nuggets out-assisted the Sonics, 44-28.
• “Let’s Get the Hell Outta Here”: The game only lasted 2 hours and 11 minutes from tip-off to the final buzzer.

Baron and Sages Halftime Entertainment

The Warriors' Boom Dizzle was interviewed by Sages at half time, and found himself unable to contain his laughter at the latest outfit Craig chose with his eyes closed. Expressing the thoughts of the rest of America, Baron flashed his Shrek Donkey smile, shook his head, and said "nice outfit" before answering a dead-serious question from the man in blue and salmon.

Give credit where credit is due, though. Sager has been wearing suits harmful to the eyes since I can remember. He's taken years of ridicule from multi-million dollar athletes but has kept on marching on. We salute you, Uncle Sages.

RECLAMATION PROCLAMATION

Nash and Suns show they still got it

When the Golden State Warriors retooled last January by acquiring Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington for an overpriced sack of rocks, smallball finally made its return to the Bay since Tim Hardaway was known for killer crossovers and not killing crossdressers. The Warriors were among the fastest teams in the league, and their high-octane offense was suddenly the second-most potent in the league. Second-best behind the Phoenix Suns, that is.

The Warriors and Suns faced off in yet another Wild West shootout Thursday. The Warriors won the last three contests against the Suns dating back to last season, making Steve Nash look as defensively useless as Charles Barkley is stupid, with Monta Ellis and Baron Davis taking turns running circles around Nash. However, the Shaq trade changed the identity of the Suns, or rather left them looking for a completely new one. Shaq looked more like Clark Kent than Superman the last couple weeks, and the run-and-gun Suns stepped aside to make way for the faster, smaller upstart Warriors to claim the smallball crown. Now with the game’s greatest inside presence of the last 30 years, the Suns finally have a post game they hope will save them from any more playoff embarrassments on behalf of Tim Duncan, as they showed in Sunday’s victory. Unfortunately for Steve Kerr, the Suns don’t get to play the Spurs every game, and the Warriors would be a good litmus test for the retooled Suns.

Phoenix, however, went old school and showed the can still play the upstyle tempo they perfected the last several years, with their second consecutive game scoring 120+ points. Despite three first half technicals, including choirboy Grant Hill looking like he was gonna have to choke a bitch after a good non-call, and being down 5 after the break, the Suns came out of their locker rooms with some fire not seen in recent weeks. Outgunning the Warriors by 16 in the 3rd and never looking back, the Suns showed they could, indeed, still play the fast tempo, albeit with Shaq sitting on the bench with foul and heart rate troubles.

Steve Nash and the devastating tickle D

Despite Baron Davis’ near triple double with 38-9-8, Nash countered with a double-double of 21 and 13, with Amare Stoudamire adding 36 points and 11 boards. The Warriors looked every bit like a team on the back end of a back-to-back, with Ellis scoring 23 points despite a non-Ellis-like 36% shooting, and not much else. The Suns reclaimed the title of fastest team in the league, if only for one night, and setup high stakes for the fourth and final match between these two squads one month from tonight.

REALITY STILL ON HOLD

Rockets push the league's most irrelevant winning streak to 20

Their season was supposed to suffer a catastrophic setback when their All-Star center went down with injury, but try and tell these Rockets that. After Yao packed it in and called it a 年 in the midst of a surprising 12-game climb, the Rockets have pushed that streak to a nut-kicking TWENTY games by putting away the Atlanta Hawks on Wednesday.

This edition of the Rockets has already entered their names in the history books, joining the 1970-71 Milwaukee Bucks (hard to believe they actually won something) and the 1971-72 Lakers as the only squads to push an unbeaten streak beyond the 20-game barrier. But the distinctions don’t stop there, as they will also become the first team to win at least 20 games in a row and NOT hoist a championship banner in the same year.

While slipping past soft team after soft team, they have defeated a couple of decent opponents during this unprecedented run. And I do mean a couple: the Cavs and the Hornets. And I guess the Mavs count too, so give credit where credit is due, as coming out with a W against those teams can’t be overlooked. But in a Western Conference where a five-game skid could easily drop a team out of the playoffs and a brutal schedule to close out March (including the Lakers, Celtics, Hornets, Warriors, Suns, and Spurs), the real Houston Rockets will ultimately be on display to showcase their true ability to ball at a championship level.

What do you have to say about that, Tracy?

It's unbelievable. For me to be on this team that has accomplished 20 straight wins, that has got to be right up there with the most gratifying things I've accomplished in this league. You look at the Bulls that were 72-10, they didn't even do it. So this is pretty remarkable.

Easy there, Mac-n-Tease. That Bulls team played every arduous game and fought through each grueling practice with one mantra: “Seventy-two aint a thing without the ring.” And it was that mindset that propelled that truly special group of basketball players to be included in every discussion regarding the greatest sports team…ever. And besides, Mike has more rings than McGrady has playoff victories.

They are undoubtedly the hottest team, but they are far from the best team. They are not even the best team in their division. Not even in their state.

They may be nice, but winning streaks are quickly forgotten. Champions are not. Except for the Spurz-z-zzzz……

So enjoy it while it lasts, Clutch City. And put things into perspective, Tracy. Pete Chilcutt has been on a title Rockets club, and you have yet to see the third week in May.

TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND BRACKET

A user’s guide on how not to win your office pool

Aah, it’s that time of year again. The swarming scents of the spring season are flourishing in the air, the Sun is starting to set later and later into the evening, and the intolerable sounds of D-Bags quarreling over snubs, clubs, and bracket-busters are quickly getting out of hand. So here’s a crash course on how to stick-it-to-the-bro’s and demonstrate your utter apathy for their crude gambling ring by completely tanking your entry. Besides, ‘tis the season to veg on the couch, crack a beer, and enjoy some of the most entertaining basketball of the year.

BET ON THE UNDER-UNDERDOGS. No sixteen-seed has ever toppled a top one, and a fifteen shocking a two occurs approximately once every 20 blue moons. Take advantage of history’s lessons and go with Austin Peay or Winthrop to bring down the big boys. Going with the top-seeded favorites is so cliché, anyways.

WHO NEEDS TOP SEEDS? If that right-minded sports conscious on your shoulder just won’t let you pencil in Belmont over Tennessee (you weak, weak-minded coward), there is still hope yet of going bottoms up on your bracket. Since 2000, no team lower than a 5-seed has advanced to the Final Four showdown except for three: two #8’s and a #11 (curse you, George Mason). So when narrowing your field down to sixteen and eight, be certain to support the lower half of each region.

DON’T TRUST THE ANIMALS. And we’re talking about the nicknames/mascots. Over the past fourteen years, ten champions have been from the animal kingdom. So if you are busting a hemorrhoid deciding between the Memphis Tigers and the UMass Minutemen, go with the soldier boys.

BELIEVE IN THE HIGH-FIVE’S. Over the past decade or so, those first-round 5-12 match-ups have more resembled the Looney-Tunes/Monstars showdown in the critically-acclaimed Space Jam than a lopsided collegiate game. So don’t stop believing in the power of the “cursed” flawed five.

TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL. Although it may blow your cover as a legitimate entry, showcase your creativity by selecting teams that aren’t even in the tournament to advance deep into the later rounds. And you don’t even have to use teams. For example, last year, my final four consisted of the Denver Broncos, Christopher Reeve, a Venus Fly-Trap, and Buddhism, with Cinderella Saddam getting bounced in the Regional Finals. Don’t get too “hung up” about it….

That’ll show ‘em.

RUNNING POINTS

Some Monday quick hits.

• The Miami Tank brigade marches on, but Dwyane Wade's decided he's had enough. I guess 3 losses in 2 nights will do that you. After being on the wrong end of a 134-99 thrashing by the Warriors Friday night, the Heat faced the Hawks for a "double header" on Saturday to replay the last minute of their disputed December loss before taking part in their next regularly-scheduled loss. Miami didn't disappoint and chalked a couple more tallies in the L column of their god-awful and NBA-worst 11-50 record.

A long way from a Finals champagne shower

• What is Kobe Bean thinking? Something that's been bugging me lately has been Kobe's choice of socks, mainly during home games. As if his ego couldn't get any bigger, he needs to be wearing the biggest socks in the entire Association, too. It's like he found the longest socks available, some man-stocking-looking things, then decided against the obviously dorkier route by rolling them down. Kobe, you look like a damn fool with those huge socks. I hope it's not another Showtime homage, cause the first attempt with the tight throwbacks and huge shorts was a fat whiff.

Not working, dude.

• Sitting courtside of the Lakers-Kings game Sunday was Barry Bonds, still completely out of touch with reality. It's over, Barry. You can take that sweet diamond-encrusted Giants hat off. It's Zito's team, now.
  

• And finally, putting the Insane in Vinsanity, here's Vince Carter a couple weeks back, doing his best to welcome new teammate, Devin Harris.