OUT OF THE WOODS

Tiger weak in the knees, Next four weekends up for grabs

It’s a good thing the seamstress in Augusta didn’t alter the green jacket to 42 long, because it will not be hanging up in Tiger’s 5,000-square-foot walk-in closet. A gimpy Woods finished three shots back of Trevor Immelman last weekend, which was good enough for a second-place finish in his campaign for a fifth Masters Tournament victory.

Why the gimp? It was revealed on Tuesday that Tiger was suffering from wounded cartilage in his left knee that has proven to be an annoying nuisance for several months, and with the quest for Grand Slam over before it really took off, he underwent arthroscopic surgery to repair the damage (his fourth knife session on the same knee since 1994). No one said being a god (not to mention filthy rich) was easy on the knees.

The number-one golfer in the world will stay off the links for at least four weeks after the surgery, giving golfers everywhere a legitimate shot to win a tour event. Tiger will almost surely sit out the Players Championship, but will aim to return to action in time to win the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, a course he could probably shoot par in a wheelchair.

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MELODRAMA

DUI in Denver for Nuggets star

As if people were wondering why Carmelo Anthony was never considered a true leader and superstar in the ranks of fellow 2004 draft mates Lebron James and Dwayne Wade, there’s no need to look further than his DUI and arrest early this morning. On the heels of the Nuggets’ convincing 111-94 victory over the Rockets Sunday evening, Melo was arrested at approximately 4:00 AM, pulled over for weaving on the Denver roadways after probably kicking back a few too many Coors lights. Though Melo played arguably his worst the game of the season at the absolute worst time for the Nuggets, going 3-14 field for 11 points, Denver pulled their playoff magic number to 1, with the season finale this Wednesday against the Grizzlies while the Warriors play in Phoenix tonight and host Seattle on Wednesday.

No word yet on what type of action the team will take, though bets are Anthony will likely be in the Nuggets starting lineup for the season finale. After having beat the Warriors and taking the tiebreaker in a monumental game last Thursday in Golden State, the Nuggets retook the driver’s seat for the 8^th spot after the Saturday loss in Utah by beating the banged up Rockets in decisive fashion. While the playoff spot looks just about locked up, the question remains whether or not this incident will be a distraction for the Nuggets and their playoff run.

Thankfully for the Nuggets, they have a true leader and former league MVP in Allen Iverson and a strong bench to overcome this incident, and probably could do some damage in the playoffs with some consistent play. But after having his best season yet, being named All Star starter and putting up career rebounding numbers, this lack of judgment during such a vital late-season stretch and potentially devastating decision has got to leave Nuggets fans wondering when fully grown-ass Melo is finally going to show up. Several Nuggets players admitted the team celebrating like they won a championship after the victory over Golden State, maybe George Karl needs to give his team a reality check. With 2 All Star starters and reigning Defensive Player of the Year, the Nuggets are far too talented a team to be duking it out for the last playoff spot.

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CURSE OF ACTION

Yankees exhume shirt to exorcise the demons

The House that a Sox fan helped build.

It used to be that the significance of the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry spread beyond the borders of the American northeast, showcasing the likes of Ruth “cursing” his old employer, DiMaggio edging a .400-hitting Williams in the ’41 MVP race, Thurman Munson clocking Carlton Fisk in the grill in a home plate bru-ha-ha, and Bucky Dent joining the ranks of Yankees with expletive middle names. Now it’s becoming just plain annoying.

Earlier in the week, a Sox fan who happened to be working on the construction of the new Yankee Stadium (you’d think the Steinbrenner’s would inquire about a contractor’s favorite team on an application) buried an Ortiz jersey in the concrete foundation in an effort of bring some voodoo vibes to the Bronx. So far, it’s only brought bad luck to Ortiz himself, who is hitting a paltry 3-for-43 on the young season and can’t seem to hit a beach ball with a tennis racket.

After initially denying that the burial ever occurred, the Yankees had the supposed location of the jersey torn up by jackhammers for five hours until the tattered uniform was unearthed, ironically wrapped around the body of Jimmy Hoffa. The shirt was burned, Hoffa was re-buried.

And of course, future President of the United States Hal Steinbrenner had to chime in his usual classy way, uttering “I hope his co-workers kick the [expletive] out of him” while sipping scotch from his Michael Scott-like “World’s Best Boss” mug.

The two teams square off Sunday night in the rubber-game of their first series of the season, as this rivalry continues to look more and more like two cross-town high school football foes.

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GOOD BYE-BRATIONS

Love to declare for June Draft

Just a month after leading the UCLA Bruins to their 3^rd consecutive Pac-10 title, and a week after being unceremoniously upset, at least in the eyes of bracket-fillers nationwide, by runner-up Memphis, freshman center Kevin Love and junior guard Darren Collison have reportedly decided to leave Westwood and declare themselves for the upcoming NBA draft. Love and Collison, 1^st team and 3^rd team All-American selections respectively, were expected to hire agents in preparation for the June draft, making them ineligible to return to a Bruin team that just participated in their 3^rd straight Final Four.

According to reports, word first broke out of Love’s potential declaration to enter the ‘08 Draft via his Facebook profile, which stated, “Kevin Love is: entering the NBA draft, suckas” which was taken down soon after and replaced with “Kevin Love is: just joshin ya”.

Amidst the confusion Tuesday, Love’s mom announced that no decision had yet been made, and that Kevin would be travelling up to Oregon on Wednesday to discuss the draft with his family because, well, who needs Intro to Biology when the Chicago Bulls beckon. No word yet on whether Uncle Mike Love would be attending the family meetings and trying to persuade his nephew to go for the green.

If Love and Collison do indeed declare for the draft, the 2008 pool would become even more stacked with talent, as it already looks to be one of the deepest drafts in years. Among those already declared or likely to declare for June: damn-near-consensus #1 pick Michael Beasley, Derrick Rose and teammate CDR from Memphis, USC guard OJ Mayo, the Lopez twins from Stanford, Jerryd Bayless from Arizona, 1^st team All American D.J. Augustin, and forward Anthony Randolph from LSU.

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VINDIC-HATED?

Bucker back in Boston, current Sox flaunt rings to his face

After traveling to Saturn and back during the last week, the Red Sox finally come home to Beantown to open up the 2008 season at the Fens. Ironically, during the same ceremony where the 2007 World Series rings were presented, the grateful people in the Sox front office invited the long-infamous Billy Buckner to experience something he would have 22 years ago, if he only hadn't screwed the pooch. Buckner's psyche was not available for comment.

VIDEO

Vilified and scorned for nearly the past two decades in Red Sox lore, Bucker threw out the first pitch to a rousing ovation from the Fenway faithful as if he had hit a pennant-winning grand slam last October. It's funny how a couple World Series titles heals old wounds....

The Sox would go on to defeat the Detroit Tigers, 5-0, after seven strong innings from Daisuke Matsuzaka. Motown falls to 0-7 on the season.

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ANOTHER SHINING MOMENT....

Ahh, the Madness is finally over, and the Kansas Jayhawks are left standing now that the dust has settled. You know what that means? It's time for your favorite annual guilty pleasure that even your male hair-stylist named Cameron thinks is kinda gay.

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CRY OF THE TIGERS

Missed foul shots doom Memphis; Kansas commits grand larceny

On a Monday evening that more than made up for an arguably second-rate tournament thus far, two of the nation’s top schools all year long banged heads in a 40-minute winner-take-all showdown in central Texas.

In a game that went back-and-forth like Nick Saban’s words for a majority of the first thirty minutes of play, the Tigers began to pull away a little more than halfway through the second half, eventually boosting the margin to a game-high nine points with a few ticks over two minutes left. Faced with desperation and heart-wrenching defeat looking him dead in the eye, Kansas coach Bill Self decided it was time to exploit Memphis’ best-known Achilles’ heel: their inability to hit undefended set shots from fifteen feet out.

This may have been the most exciting and efficient displays of the foul-and-extend-the-game strategies ever seen on the basketball court. As Memphis missed crucial free throw after free throw (four misses in the waning minutes of regulation), the Jayhawks chipped away at the lead with a colossal steal and big outside shots, including the biggest bucket of the tournament coming out of the hands of Mario Chalmers, who swished in a trey with under 3 ticks left on the game clock to send the contest into only the seventh overtime in Championship Game history. A Joey Dorsey-less Tigers team looked panicked and helplessly scrambled around during the extra period, only managing five points.

Memphis’ Bo Outlaw foul-shooting will surely be under severe scrutiny in the coming days, especially with their tournament free-throws showing vast improvement over their horrid regular season numbers. But on the largest of stages, when it counted the most, with the hearts of their fans riding on their shoulders, the Tigers simply could not deliver. One can point at the “controversial” review of a perimeter jumper (and they got the call correct, John), or the lack of an NBA-ready performance from their freshman-sensation Derrick Rose in the first half (credit given for his ailment), or questionable coaching decisions, but ultimately, the never-say-die Jayhawks took full advantage of Memphis’ fatal shortcomings.

So where do things go from here? Does this win validate Self’s tenure in Lawrence? Will Rose or CDR be back in Memphis come next fall? Surely this loss will leave a nasty taste in the mouth of Calipari and his players for quite some time, but as coach said exiting the floor, “when you have a lead like that, you’re supposed to win the game”.

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