GANG GREENED

Celts come back late to top Champs

Fierce Pierce was Texas-sized big

In a matchup of what many predict to be a Finals preview, the Celtics and Spurs provided an action-packed St. Patrick’s sneak peek. The Celtics won a nail-biter 93-91, despite looking as inebriated early on as their fans celebrating the holiday back home, down 17 after the first and as many as 22 at one point. The Celtics once again overcame the absence of Jesus Shuttlesworth nursing an ankle injury undoubtedly suffered at the hands of his father, Jake, with 3 players scoring 20 or more points. P-Double lead the way with 22 and Kevin Garnett added 21, as the Celtics rode to the winner’s circle after stage one of the Tour de Texas.

The Spurs, despite Manu Ginobili pouring in 32 points from all over the court, forgot to charge the batteries for their machine-like game for the second half. The Celtics came out strong after the break as baskets went down faster than half-off Irish car bombs, while the Spurs struggled offensively as their lead shrank to just 2 after the third. The Celtics took their first second-half lead after Sam Cassell phoned home a three with 45 seconds left. Down 2 with 4 ticks left, Bruce Bowen stole the inbound, legally, and passed the ball to Big Shot Bob, who looked more like Mediocre Ol' Bob as he missed a fallaway three pointer as the buzzer sounded.

Not tonight, Bob

The Celtics get no extended St. Patty's celebration tonight, however, as they move on to face the Rockets and their mind-boggling 22-game winning streak. The national stage is set for undoubtedly the biggest game of the season as the leaders in their respective conferences square off in a Houston showdown, as KG and Co. look to end the Rockets' historic streak.

ROUT-MATCHED

Nuggs stomp Sonics by 55; set franchise record

It’s no secret that the Seattle Supersonics are a fry cry from yesteryears that boasted defensive-specialist Gary Payton and All-Star Shawn Kemp (minus 50 pounds and nine bastard children), but come on. In a rematch of a playoff series known as one of the greatest upsets in the sport, Sunday’s game between the Sonics and Nuggets was just plain upsetting.

The Nuggets dropped a face-melting 168 points on the near-cellar-dwelling squad from the northwest, who have lately been more concerned with exactly where they will lose their typical 60 games next year and might as well have been playing defense in wheelchairs.

Inside the debacle:

• Denver’s 168 points in regulation was 5 points shy of the record, held by the 1990 Suns who put 173 on the board against, who else, the Nuggets.
• Seattle gave up 138 points to the Nuggets last month. Spygate’s effects must be rippling beyond football, as game tapes are being destroyed across all sports leagues and hindering game preparations.
• Pass it Around: Carmelo Anthony led the team in scoring with 26 and was one of eight Nuggets in double figures.
• The Nuggets shot 60.4% from the floor, including a lights-out 16-for-31 from downtown.
• Denver put up 84 points at the half. The Hornets scored 84 and the Heat ended up with 73 points in their entire respective games on Sunday.
• The Nuggets out-assisted the Sonics, 44-28.
• “Let’s Get the Hell Outta Here”: The game only lasted 2 hours and 11 minutes from tip-off to the final buzzer.

Baron and Sages Halftime Entertainment

The Warriors' Boom Dizzle was interviewed by Sages at half time, and found himself unable to contain his laughter at the latest outfit Craig chose with his eyes closed. Expressing the thoughts of the rest of America, Baron flashed his Shrek Donkey smile, shook his head, and said "nice outfit" before answering a dead-serious question from the man in blue and salmon.

Give credit where credit is due, though. Sager has been wearing suits harmful to the eyes since I can remember. He's taken years of ridicule from multi-million dollar athletes but has kept on marching on. We salute you, Uncle Sages.

RECLAMATION PROCLAMATION

Nash and Suns show they still got it

When the Golden State Warriors retooled last January by acquiring Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington for an overpriced sack of rocks, smallball finally made its return to the Bay since Tim Hardaway was known for killer crossovers and not killing crossdressers. The Warriors were among the fastest teams in the league, and their high-octane offense was suddenly the second-most potent in the league. Second-best behind the Phoenix Suns, that is.

The Warriors and Suns faced off in yet another Wild West shootout Thursday. The Warriors won the last three contests against the Suns dating back to last season, making Steve Nash look as defensively useless as Charles Barkley is stupid, with Monta Ellis and Baron Davis taking turns running circles around Nash. However, the Shaq trade changed the identity of the Suns, or rather left them looking for a completely new one. Shaq looked more like Clark Kent than Superman the last couple weeks, and the run-and-gun Suns stepped aside to make way for the faster, smaller upstart Warriors to claim the smallball crown. Now with the game’s greatest inside presence of the last 30 years, the Suns finally have a post game they hope will save them from any more playoff embarrassments on behalf of Tim Duncan, as they showed in Sunday’s victory. Unfortunately for Steve Kerr, the Suns don’t get to play the Spurs every game, and the Warriors would be a good litmus test for the retooled Suns.

Phoenix, however, went old school and showed the can still play the upstyle tempo they perfected the last several years, with their second consecutive game scoring 120+ points. Despite three first half technicals, including choirboy Grant Hill looking like he was gonna have to choke a bitch after a good non-call, and being down 5 after the break, the Suns came out of their locker rooms with some fire not seen in recent weeks. Outgunning the Warriors by 16 in the 3rd and never looking back, the Suns showed they could, indeed, still play the fast tempo, albeit with Shaq sitting on the bench with foul and heart rate troubles.

Steve Nash and the devastating tickle D

Despite Baron Davis’ near triple double with 38-9-8, Nash countered with a double-double of 21 and 13, with Amare Stoudamire adding 36 points and 11 boards. The Warriors looked every bit like a team on the back end of a back-to-back, with Ellis scoring 23 points despite a non-Ellis-like 36% shooting, and not much else. The Suns reclaimed the title of fastest team in the league, if only for one night, and setup high stakes for the fourth and final match between these two squads one month from tonight.

REALITY STILL ON HOLD

Rockets push the league's most irrelevant winning streak to 20

Their season was supposed to suffer a catastrophic setback when their All-Star center went down with injury, but try and tell these Rockets that. After Yao packed it in and called it a 年 in the midst of a surprising 12-game climb, the Rockets have pushed that streak to a nut-kicking TWENTY games by putting away the Atlanta Hawks on Wednesday.

This edition of the Rockets has already entered their names in the history books, joining the 1970-71 Milwaukee Bucks (hard to believe they actually won something) and the 1971-72 Lakers as the only squads to push an unbeaten streak beyond the 20-game barrier. But the distinctions don’t stop there, as they will also become the first team to win at least 20 games in a row and NOT hoist a championship banner in the same year.

While slipping past soft team after soft team, they have defeated a couple of decent opponents during this unprecedented run. And I do mean a couple: the Cavs and the Hornets. And I guess the Mavs count too, so give credit where credit is due, as coming out with a W against those teams can’t be overlooked. But in a Western Conference where a five-game skid could easily drop a team out of the playoffs and a brutal schedule to close out March (including the Lakers, Celtics, Hornets, Warriors, Suns, and Spurs), the real Houston Rockets will ultimately be on display to showcase their true ability to ball at a championship level.

What do you have to say about that, Tracy?

It's unbelievable. For me to be on this team that has accomplished 20 straight wins, that has got to be right up there with the most gratifying things I've accomplished in this league. You look at the Bulls that were 72-10, they didn't even do it. So this is pretty remarkable.

Easy there, Mac-n-Tease. That Bulls team played every arduous game and fought through each grueling practice with one mantra: “Seventy-two aint a thing without the ring.” And it was that mindset that propelled that truly special group of basketball players to be included in every discussion regarding the greatest sports team…ever. And besides, Mike has more rings than McGrady has playoff victories.

They are undoubtedly the hottest team, but they are far from the best team. They are not even the best team in their division. Not even in their state.

They may be nice, but winning streaks are quickly forgotten. Champions are not. Except for the Spurz-z-zzzz……

So enjoy it while it lasts, Clutch City. And put things into perspective, Tracy. Pete Chilcutt has been on a title Rockets club, and you have yet to see the third week in May.

TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND BRACKET

A user’s guide on how not to win your office pool

Aah, it’s that time of year again. The swarming scents of the spring season are flourishing in the air, the Sun is starting to set later and later into the evening, and the intolerable sounds of D-Bags quarreling over snubs, clubs, and bracket-busters are quickly getting out of hand. So here’s a crash course on how to stick-it-to-the-bro’s and demonstrate your utter apathy for their crude gambling ring by completely tanking your entry. Besides, ‘tis the season to veg on the couch, crack a beer, and enjoy some of the most entertaining basketball of the year.

BET ON THE UNDER-UNDERDOGS. No sixteen-seed has ever toppled a top one, and a fifteen shocking a two occurs approximately once every 20 blue moons. Take advantage of history’s lessons and go with Austin Peay or Winthrop to bring down the big boys. Going with the top-seeded favorites is so cliché, anyways.

WHO NEEDS TOP SEEDS? If that right-minded sports conscious on your shoulder just won’t let you pencil in Belmont over Tennessee (you weak, weak-minded coward), there is still hope yet of going bottoms up on your bracket. Since 2000, no team lower than a 5-seed has advanced to the Final Four showdown except for three: two #8’s and a #11 (curse you, George Mason). So when narrowing your field down to sixteen and eight, be certain to support the lower half of each region.

DON’T TRUST THE ANIMALS. And we’re talking about the nicknames/mascots. Over the past fourteen years, ten champions have been from the animal kingdom. So if you are busting a hemorrhoid deciding between the Memphis Tigers and the UMass Minutemen, go with the soldier boys.

BELIEVE IN THE HIGH-FIVE’S. Over the past decade or so, those first-round 5-12 match-ups have more resembled the Looney-Tunes/Monstars showdown in the critically-acclaimed Space Jam than a lopsided collegiate game. So don’t stop believing in the power of the “cursed” flawed five.

TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL. Although it may blow your cover as a legitimate entry, showcase your creativity by selecting teams that aren’t even in the tournament to advance deep into the later rounds. And you don’t even have to use teams. For example, last year, my final four consisted of the Denver Broncos, Christopher Reeve, a Venus Fly-Trap, and Buddhism, with Cinderella Saddam getting bounced in the Regional Finals. Don’t get too “hung up” about it….

That’ll show ‘em.

RUNNING POINTS

Some Monday quick hits.

• The Miami Tank brigade marches on, but Dwyane Wade's decided he's had enough. I guess 3 losses in 2 nights will do that you. After being on the wrong end of a 134-99 thrashing by the Warriors Friday night, the Heat faced the Hawks for a "double header" on Saturday to replay the last minute of their disputed December loss before taking part in their next regularly-scheduled loss. Miami didn't disappoint and chalked a couple more tallies in the L column of their god-awful and NBA-worst 11-50 record.

A long way from a Finals champagne shower

• What is Kobe Bean thinking? Something that's been bugging me lately has been Kobe's choice of socks, mainly during home games. As if his ego couldn't get any bigger, he needs to be wearing the biggest socks in the entire Association, too. It's like he found the longest socks available, some man-stocking-looking things, then decided against the obviously dorkier route by rolling them down. Kobe, you look like a damn fool with those huge socks. I hope it's not another Showtime homage, cause the first attempt with the tight throwbacks and huge shorts was a fat whiff.

Not working, dude.

• Sitting courtside of the Lakers-Kings game Sunday was Barry Bonds, still completely out of touch with reality. It's over, Barry. You can take that sweet diamond-encrusted Giants hat off. It's Zito's team, now.
  

• And finally, putting the Insane in Vinsanity, here's Vince Carter a couple weeks back, doing his best to welcome new teammate, Devin Harris.