SHAUN OF THE UNEMPLOYED

Seahawks cut 2005 MVP


On Tuesday, the Seattle Seahawks cut ties with the franchise’s all time leading rusher and 2005 NFL MVP, just 2 years after leading Seattle to Super Bowl XL which ended in defeat to the Pittsburg Steelers. Alexander enjoyed a stellar 2005 season, leading the league in several categories, including rushing yards (1,880) and touchdowns (28). After his stellar and historic run into the record books, Alexander ran his way into the Seahawks bank vault, making out with an 8-year, $62 million dollar, and the richest running back contract at the time. But with a fateful decision that would seal his career fate for a quick dollar, Alexander agreed to appear on the cover of the following season’s Madden 2007, and life would never be the same for #37.

Weighed down in the backfield with all his new found green, if not elevated expectations, as well as the Madden Curse in the air, Alexander suffered his worst season since his rookie year in 2000. Appearing in just 10 games, Alexander recorded a mere 7 touchdowns and 896 rushing yards, while recording a career high 6 fumbles in limited action. 2007 was even worse than 2006, as Alexander suffered another setback. This time to the wrist, much to the dismay of Seahawk fans and fantasy football owners alike, Shaun finished his Seahawks career by scoring 4 touchdowns and rushing for 716 yards in 13 games.

Looking to go in a new direction, the Seahawks cut ties with the main cog in Seattle offense that has made the playoffs for the past 5 seasons. The move leaves quarterback and soup pitchman Matt Hasselbeck to hand the ball off to new backfield mates Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett to fill Alexander’s big shoes. Alexander, now a 30 year old veteran and coming off two injury-plagued seasons, seeks a new employer to take his gap-toothed grin, along with his veteran presence and experience, to a fresh new start.

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EAST COAST DROPPER

Fenway Fanatic gets credited with error

Apparently, Leon Lett's instructional manual "Secure the Ball, then Celebrate" did not sell well in the city of Boston, as exhibited by a fan attending a Rangers-Red Sox game, who, after snagging a whistling foul ball with a spectacular effort in the upper deck, proceeded to let the ball slip to the field level during his best Chad Johnson celebration. Surely to follow him until his last days, this goober could cure cancer and would probably still be known for this ballpark blunder.

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JOBA DESCRIPTION

Yankees management in a tiff over Chamberlain’s role

After three weeks into the season and posting a not-first-place 10-10 record in the American League East (oh, horrors), co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner is back on the mic again, giving ‘em ear-gasms sure to be added to the 2008 Bartlett’s Book of Quotations. He and Brian Cashman, the bombers’ general manager since 1997, entered into a public squabble over the role of young-gun hurler Joba Chamberlain, who is currently doing his damage out of the Yankee bullpen.

Although it has been a general assumption that the former All-American would eventually work his way into the rotation, Hank feels this transition period should be expedited. "I want him as a starter and so does everyone else, including him, and that is what we are working toward and we need him there now," Steinbrenner said. "There is no question about it, you don't have a guy with a 100-mile-per-hour fastball and keep him as a set-up guy. You just don't do that. You have to be an idiot to do that."

Who will Hank drop the hammer on when the Yankees get
bounced in the Division Series again?

Cashman argues that Joba should stay in relief-mode, as it is where he is “needed most” to contribute best to the organization, along with the fact that he is currently on an innings limit. However, Youngsters Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have stumbled out of the gate in the Bronx rotation this season, both getting smoked for a combined 31 earned runs in just over 30 frames. Maybe Hank’s checkbook can overpay the Rocket again, or even summon Kevin Brown out of retirement….

And finally, while we're on topic, a real head-shaker:

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WEST TOAST

After a season for the ages out in the wild, wild Western conference, the seeds have been determined and the matchups are finally set. 6 teams were jockeying for home court advantage until the end, while 3 teams were duking it out for the final 2 slots, and one team went home with the 2nd greatest record to not be rewarded with postseason play.

Several teams retooled by plucking All Stars off struggling squads, including the modern game's most dominant force. The NBA's MVP will probably be between 2 different yet completely viable candidates, along with the probable Coach of the Year and Rookie of the Year. It's been an incredible and historic season, and it's just getting to the good part...

1. Lakers vs. 8. Nuggets – For all the drama Los Lakers endured the last few seasons: the Shaq ousting, Phil Jackson book saga, three consecutive first round exits, and the unanswered trade demands of a diva in peril last summer, 2008 looks to finally be the Kobe Bryant’s best chance to win his first title sans the former Big Aristotle-turned-Cactus. With a new running mate Pau Gasol by his side, the Lakers are peaking at the right time, having won 8 of 9 with Bryant in full-on MVP mode, beating opponents down and taking names in the process. And who knows, Andrew Bynum may even make a cameo during the series and provide the Lakers another inside presence against Marcus Camby and KMart. Denver is just way too undisciplined and have play 0 defense, doubly bad when having to face the most prolific scorer in the world. When all is settled, the Lakers should easily take care of the Nuggets fast enough for Carmelo Anthony to make it back in time for happy hour back in Denver. Lakers in 5.

2. Hornets vs. 7. Mavericks – The NBA saw its future this season, a dominating force standing all of 6 feet tall, and just about ready to launch himself into true NBA super stardom. This has been the year of Chris Paul and his Hornets, who came out of nowhere this year and took the Big Easy, and the Western Conference, by storm, securing the #2 seed after missing the dance a season before. However, the young upstart Hornets face a veteran Mavericks team on a mission to erase the memories of that historic and humiliating first round exit against the Warriors a year ago. Dirk Nowitzki, without the pressure of past years, will emerge from his playoff funk dating back to Game 3 of the Finals 2 years ago, Jason Kidd, still learning to man this team, will have an incredible match up with CP3, while Josh Howard will probably be a tremendous secondary option and should have a breakout series. Mavericks in 6.


3. Spurs vs. 6. Suns – This should be the most entertaining series of the playoffs, the 3rd matchup between the squads in 4 years. Shaq vs. Timmy. Nash vs. Parker. Amare, Manu, Grant Hill, and Big Shot Bob’s bodychecking hips. While all of us around the country questioned Steve Kerr’s sanity when he made the crazy February trade to bring in an old and overweight Shaq in the run-and-gun Suns offense, this is the series he was gearing up for, Well, it’s 2 months later, Shaq is in better shape, Amare is having arguably his best season ever, and Nash can lead this team in both uptempo and halfcourt styles. However, you never, ever underestimate playoff-version Spurs, who have demonstrated that team chemistry often beats out superb individual talent. San Antonio has the bench to counter the Suns’ different styles of attack, the best coach in the league, and the battle experience, along with the matching hardware, and will be moving on. But damn, it should be fun to watch. Spurs in 7.

4. Jazz vs. 5. Rockets – After a historic 22-game run and rolling over opponents for months, the Rockets were rewarded with a rematch against the Utah Jazz, who ousted the Rockets in 7 last year. This should be another fun series to watch, as both teams get set to duke it out once again, though with a 7 foot 6 void in the Rockets’ game. Yes, Houston reeled off 10 straight even without Yao, but the playoffs are a different beast. I don’t see how Scola can contain Carlos Boozer, who should be absolutely dominant this series, nor is Dikembe Mutombo a good answer for perimiter shooting Okur. Plus, there’s nobody on the Rockets that can stop Deron Williams, though while not as flashy, is right up there with Paul as the top rising Western PG’s. Rafer’s probably going to be out at least the first game with an injury, and he’s probably the best option they have of staying on Dwill. TMac’s had an incredible season and has put to rest those who doubted his body, and his heart, but the matchups are just going to be too unfavorable to overcome the Rockets trying to get McGrady out of the first round. Jazz in 6.

Western Conference Champions: LA Lakers

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FINALE NIGHT SHOWCASE

With post-season match-ups set and starters gearing up for "Win or Go Home" time, rim-rocking and sky-flying highlights can be hard to come by on the last night of the association's regular season, as seen by Wednesday's Top 10 on NBA TV. The countdown was salvaged, however, by T-Wolves youngster Corey Brewer, who was an integral piece in Florida's back-to-back National Championships and starred in his own "shining moment" at number six.

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NOT SO RAVEN

Aging quarterback hits the eternal shower


After posting a disappointing 2007 campaign (highlighted by a nine-game skid, last place in the AFC North, and a substandard 5-11 record) following a franchise-best 13-win season in 2006, the Baltimore Ravens have yet another piece of the puzzle to figure out as the starting quarterback position comes into serious question. Former Co-MVP Steve “the Air” McNair announced he would hang up his cleats and retire prior to kicking off the ’08 season, tentatively leaving the full-time reigns of the offense to either Kyle Boller or Troy Smith, resulting in panic attacks all across the Old Line State.

The three-time Pro Bowler cited back and shoulder problems (which kept him out of all but six games last year) as the primary reason for trading-in gridiron glory for driving drunk to the golf course and/or fishing boat this fall. McNair will file his retirement papers after playing in 161 games in which he threw for over 31,000 yards and 174 touchdowns, and will surely be remembered for his Young-like mobility in and out of the pocket, allowing him to gain 3,590 yards on the ground and an impressive 37 trips to paydirt.

Steve’s best year arguably came in an MVP-worthy 2003 season, but his closest chance for football immortality came in 2000, where he, Eddie George, and his Tennessee Titans lost Super Bowl XXXIV by 35 inches to Warner, Faulk, and the Greatest Show on Turf. It’s safe to say Mike Jones will probably not be invited to the retirement pot luck.

Here’s to you, Stevie.

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OUT OF THE WOODS

Tiger weak in the knees, Next four weekends up for grabs

It’s a good thing the seamstress in Augusta didn’t alter the green jacket to 42 long, because it will not be hanging up in Tiger’s 5,000-square-foot walk-in closet. A gimpy Woods finished three shots back of Trevor Immelman last weekend, which was good enough for a second-place finish in his campaign for a fifth Masters Tournament victory.

Why the gimp? It was revealed on Tuesday that Tiger was suffering from wounded cartilage in his left knee that has proven to be an annoying nuisance for several months, and with the quest for Grand Slam over before it really took off, he underwent arthroscopic surgery to repair the damage (his fourth knife session on the same knee since 1994). No one said being a god (not to mention filthy rich) was easy on the knees.

The number-one golfer in the world will stay off the links for at least four weeks after the surgery, giving golfers everywhere a legitimate shot to win a tour event. Tiger will almost surely sit out the Players Championship, but will aim to return to action in time to win the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, a course he could probably shoot par in a wheelchair.

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